Referee's whistle. Blow it loudly when you can't get a word in.
My ex Mother in Law was lovely she would stand up for me and she always had something nice to say to me - that was until I realised that was what she was doing to my face and then saying what she really felt behind my back. She has not seen her "longed for grandchildren" in 4 years and I have not spoken to her for this long. Although it is horrible for your MIL to be saying the things she is saying at least you know exactly where she stands.
On the other hand I do agree with the other posts and you do need to have a diversion tactic in place so that if it happens again you can get out of it. Or get caller id so you know not to answer the phone when you see her number.
Angela, on a really serious note I have learnt that diversion tactics run out, and sooner or later the truth must be discussed between you and your MIL. Your MIL is missing out on so much because of her behaviour and attitude. She needs to be told the truth, or else the years run out and she has not been given the opportunity to change her ways, if you understand what I mean?
I have been through a similar situation with my OH's mum (sorry not writing MIL since Im only 21 and NOT married lol)
My OH had his tubes tied when he broke it off with his ex (his daughters' mother) and has obviously since met me We have discussed children and both would like to in the FUTURE! and in the meantime need to come up with the money required to get a reversal.
His mother would continuously rant and rave about how we only have so much time left (hello lady Im 21! for god sakes) anyway on my 21st birthday she started nagging me about it and I couldn't take it any more so I broke down in tears and then I got ANGRY and really told her what I thought!
We are great friends now and has made a great relationship. I am so glad I spoke my thoughts that night
My MIL died 6 months after we married. We don't speak with Rob's MIL. Doesn't solve your problem, but it's one less issue we have to deal with. I really feel for you though Angela. Family relationships are a real minefield to navigate. I wish you all the best at getting a resolution everyone can live with.
I can only suggest you tell her "When we invite you to our home, please respect that this is our home & not yours. We make the decisions here, not you. If we want your opinion, curtains or anything else, we'll ask you. If we don't invite you, do not arrive unannounced. You may not get the 'greeting' you are expecting or think you deserve." It may seem blunt, but it would appear being subtle up to this point hasn't worked. If she gets all huffy, let her. She can just get happy in the same undies she got unhappy in. Don't cave to immature emotional blackmail. She'll get over it & you'll feel so much better for finally setting some boundaries that she respects. I'll get off my soap box now ....
Ahh I see. Sorry.
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