If we're going to be teaching this kid a lesson, Im coming.
If we're going to be teaching this kid a lesson, Im coming.
In all seriousness though, as I DO realise how serious this is for you, Demi - this issue is not going to 'go away' or 'be fixed' no matter how many ppl you introduce Mollie to, or what efforts you put in.
Sure, it may get a little better for Mollie, but what I'm saying is that as long as your brother is allowed to continue with this totally obnoxious and unacceptable behaviour, the problem is always going to be there - and yes, as you've already realised - possibly escalate.
You really need to discuss this further with your parents. I know you have pointed out that Billy gets in trouble and has time-out or whatever in his room, but that is obviously not working.
Again in all seriousness -
How do you react when your dog gets hurt by your brother? What do you do and what emotions do you show?
And how old are you and your brother? (sorry I know you said but it's been a looooong day and I can't remember)
I am 15yrs old. && I have gotten my post before this (ages ago) on Billy's age wrong - he is so short, I keep thinking he is 12, but he has just turned 13 LOL <feels like a dork>
&& No, I dont want him back! Keep him forever if he doesnt pi$$ you off too much!
Thanks for the advice guys (Both on seriousness and the ***-kicking!)
I had a LONG talk with mum, I told her EVERYTHING under the sun and she promised me she would have a long talk with Billy tonight. We'll see how it goes.
I kinda feel like I am failing Mollie when it comes to Billy. I know things wont improve until we have a better relationship and I am the first to admit I am no saint nor angel. But I have tried. Very hard to improve our relationship.
But he like, lunges, like he is trying to totally freak her out and I honestly think he is finding it funny how Mollie is chasing him when he hits me or Ned or Matilda (1yr old sister)
When Billy lunges/etc. I ignore whats happening. I dont know if that is right or not, but that is what I have been doing. I dont look at Mollie, I look in the distance.
Honestly at this point I would be looking more at how you are reacting towards your brother not how you are reacting towards Mollie. Do you go and tell your Mum, do you start screaming at him or do you ignore him?
The next time he does something try this -
Turn your back on your brother while calling Mollie to you, go outside or to your room. If he follows, then do the same, but go somewhere else.
Tonight or tomorrow, when your mother is not busy and isn't frazzled. Ask if it is a good time to speak with her. Tell her that what your brother is doing to YOU is upsetting you. Do not bring up Mollie's feelings at all. Remain calm, non defensive and mature. Let her know that you feel that your brother is trying to upset YOU and you don't understand why. Don't rave on just state the facts, don't bring up past pettiness only what is happening NOW. Explain that you feel that your relationship with your brother is suffering, not because of Mollie but because he is obviously not happy about something at the moment.
All brothers and sisters fight, that is fact of life, it is just unfortunate that Mollie is caught in the middle.
I'm thinking sending brother to his room isn't much of a punishment, I think sending him to his room and taking his favourite toy out of it not to be returned until he has behaved well for a week might be a start. And if he misbehaves inside the week, he doesn't get the first toy back for another week, and a second toy is taken... and after all the toys are gone, start on the furniture.
This is something off the Dr Phil Show. Basically - sending a kid to their room only works if there is nothing in it but a mattress.
Monty Roberts wrote a fantastic book called "Join-up" Horse sense for people, and he writes about making contracts with his various foster kids - some of whom were prone to extremely bad behaviour. The kid and the parent/guardian make a written agreement - these behaviours get these rewards, and these behaviours get these consequences. And the consequences have to matter to the kid.
But I'm also thinking, hoping that Billy is missing something, attention maybe, in his life from his siblings or his parents that maybe you could do something towards fixing.
If he does something bad - don't scream and yell at him, just stop him (if you can) without saying anything. If he does something, anything good, make sure you say something nice to him.
My brother was an obnoxious bully. And it wasn't solved until my mum started working on him with compliments. I'd already left home by then so I didn't contribute much there. But anything he did that she wanted to encourage - she complimented. Even if it was only something tiny. Start small and work up. Ideally - family members should be working towards three compliments/words of praise each per day. And mum did her level best not to get mad at him for all the horrible things he did. So if he smoked outside, she praised him, but she had to ignore when he smoked inside... that kind of thing. If he turned a light off when he was last one out the room - praise, if he remembered to fill the car up - praise. Etc etc.
I've only skimmed the posts, but here's what I think ...
The parents are "asleep at the wheel" & Billie's behaviour reflects that. They have to get the lad checked out chemically, hormonally & psychologically. Kids aren't born little sh!ts, so there's a reason for this behaviour. The only exception would be a pyschopath & even then, the behaviour can sometimes be addressed as a chemical imbalance & appropriate medication prescribed.
Mollie is going to continue to cop the abuse until the situation changes.
Billie's behaviour will continue to escalate if nothing is done to change the situation.
Demi, it's not up to you to take a parental role in this situation. That's what your parents are supposed to do.
You're a very mature young lady to have taken the time to canvas opinions & possible solutions by starting a thread.
Lots of love & support.
When I was an obnoxious little brat, my parents solved it (on advice from someone smarter than them) by giving me a 30 minute later bed time than my younger siblings and dedicating that 30 minutes to me - whatever I wanted to do or talk about, they paid attention. I think the main thing I needed was basic social skills like what was and wasn't appropriate behaviour at school and what to do when kids did things I didn't like etc. I don't remember much about that but Mum told me later that it helped.
I'd hate for Billy the kid to be "fixed" with medication, without sorting any of his other issues or the possible causes. Again Jane Elliott - Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes - has some clues about kids living up to their family and teachers' expectations. If you tell a kid how bad and naughty he is often enough - he will start to believe it and behave accordingly.
Last edited by Hyacinth; 01-30-2010 at 06:32 PM. Reason: fixed bad word before Morgan sees it...
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