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Thread: Letting your baby cry.

  1. #1
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    Default Letting your baby cry.

    How many of you let your children cry as babies and didn't pat or rock your child to sleep?
    I used to let my children cry, if they were fed, clothed clean burped etc then I would let them go for it. They'd stop eventually, it didn't kill them. What are your thought's? A friend has a bub who she has cradled to sleep in her arms, didn't let cry and now has big problems getting the child to sleep, she says studies prove that letting your child cry is harmful for the child's emotional state as they grow older and it is a definate no no.

  2. #2
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    Lol but she is the one that has a baby that won't settle. I think controlled crying is fine, bub needs to learn that crying doesn't give them what they want (when everything else is fine). Same as we do with puppies! haha

    There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

  3. #3
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    Bloody oath.....let em ball. Even when the misses ordered me to get up at 3.00am to check bubs i would pretend to be dead to the world.

    A mate of mine plays music loud nearly every night and his 3 ruggies sleep through it fine.

    Tough love is good love.

    However if it's my big puppy having a nightmare or a restless night i'll always get up and see if he's OK. Last night he fell asleep with his head of the mat and on the cold tiles. I carefully lifted his boof head and placed a nice soft pillow under his snooring noggin.


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  4. #4
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    I think there is a very big difference in opinion with things like this. I remember watching an argument not long ago about how should mothers react to a new baby in the house. One side was the baby is entering the mother's life and needs to adapt to her, and the other saying the mother should do nothing but attend to the baby (ie, be stay at home, etc).

    With the studies, I'd be interested in how accurate they really are. How long do they study these children, how large is the target group, etc? Or are they based on supposedly "accurate guesses"? Hehe. I guess things like this lead to the argument of smacking. Do people really have evidence to suggest smacking makes kids violent? Or do they just not want to believe that smacking doesn't damage children at all and their parenting style is different to someone elses? I guess people try to make everything into a sort of "this way is the best, no doubts about that!" and parenting is no different.

    I personally believe humans are too varied for something as important as parenting to be stylised like this :P I don't think it matters all too much if babies are left to cry or if the mother wants to baby them (bad pun?) for a long while. Although I say let them cry, I have to wonder if a better question is "how much trouble does the mother want to set herself up for?" hehe

  5. #5
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    I personally think that lots of parents (and some so called experts too) have lost the plot a bit with the pandering to baby's every need or they'll be damaged for eternity. I think we should give little humans a bit more credit than that! Yes, they are fragile little things who don't even realise that they can control their own hands. But they are perfectly capable of learning and becoming more independent one tiny step at a time from the moment they get here.

    I think I did my daughter a huge favour by allowing her the opportunities to self settle when she was tiny. She is 7 now and still a rock solid sleeper. A marching band marching through her room wouldn't wake her up. And that is how kids are supposed to sleep. The only person I know who did the "jump up and comfort" (to the extreme) whenever her kids only as much as sighed has a 6yo who still wakes up during the night. Which also results in chronically overtired parents which is not good for the kids either.

    I must say I could not cope with prolonged crying when mine was tiny. But a nurse at the parenting helpline gave me the most awesome tip when my baby was a few weeks old which saved my sanity. I had discovered that baby would stop fussing and fall asleep when I wheeled her cradle back and forth over the carpet. But as soon as I stopped - even if I'd rocked for a full hour - she would immediately wake up and start crying again. So the nurse advised me to rock for 2 minutes, let her cry for 2 minutes, rock for 2 minutes, cry 2 minutes and so on. She said that got baby used to the sensation of the motion stopping. The first time I did this it took me about 20 goes - so 40 minutes to get her to sleep and to stay asleep. But that was already an improvement and I did not feel stressed at all. Within a week I only had to do the routine two or three times to get her fast asleep! And after a while of using this technique she would just fall asleep without any interference. But until she was at least 1, she would ALWAYS cry for about a minute or 2 before she fell asleep. It was like a ritual. And I remembered that my 6 nephews and nieces all were the same when they were that age. A bit of whinging and then they'd just drop off.

    I could go on about this for a while! I don't get this "attachment parenting". In my eyes it is not natural to completely forget your own needs as a human to pander to your baby. As long as they are loved and their basic needs are met, they will be fine! And one of their basic needs is SLEEP, people! All this fussing because "they won't go to sleep" is just cutting into their sleep time. Lots of parents also don't seem to recognise when their kids are overtired. They think they are just "full of energy". Err no, they are about to have a brain meltdown because they are so tired. I didn't know this stuff when I had my baby and it was a steep learning curve. But I am a great fan of tough love too, Sean. And in my opinion so many kids are just being spoilt rotten and it is not doing them any favours at all.

    And don't even get me started on parents who allow their toddlers to walk all over them. Or I'll still be here typing in the morning.

  6. #6
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    I don't have kids, but i work with children and i'm all for tough love also.

  7. #7
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    I don't have any kids, but I have a dog who was a puppy, and an opinion.

    I think there is a balance between being a helicopter parent with a velcro kid, and having a kid that will tolerate anything by way of noise or company. (and then there's neglect but we won't go there in this post).

    So one of my friends had a baby that she would let anyone look after including me - and I'm moderately terrified of babies. And he would sleep through anything... he didn't care who held him, or if they were moving or still or if there was a lot of noise or not. He was happy awake or asleep with whomever was there. So that friend would hand baby around her sports team while she went out and played.

    Another friend was a complete helicopter parent, she didn't trust anyone else with her baby, and kept her close all the time. And she couldn't hand that baby off even to my friend's mother. The baby would scream her head off if she wasn't with mum. And it got a tad nasty/loud when my friend had a second baby and couldn't be helicopter mum - but at least Dad was allowed to step up then.

    So I know which baby I'd rather have.

    However, no two babies are the same. And sometimes one child will be really easy, and cope with everything and another child will be a PITA about everything. There's often some medical reason for the PITA baby - like colic or Crohns or something not right that is painful. Sometimes they grow out of it, and sometimes they need medical intervention.

    With my puppy - she screamed her head off, left alone without me. She still tries that one on now and again, and I just cover the crate up so she can't see me. Strangely she only screams when she can see or hear me and not when she's got no idea where I am. Some dogs are the opposite, they're happy as long as they know where the boss is and only get upset when they don't know where they are. Anyway my dog knows she will never get out of the crate when she's being loud. And won't get any treats either. So she's usually quiet but she does like to make sure I haven't forgotten her.

  8. #8
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    I went for a dog walk the other day with the friend who seems to do some sort of attachment parenting. Thought I was going to go nuts. Her 3.5yo is scared of Banjo. But my friend agreed to come for a dog walk and decided to bring the 3yo (she could've left her with her dad). When they arrived, the child was screaming in the car when she saw Banjo - who now knows better than to come anywhere near her - and her mother negotiated with her for about 5 minutes while we waited. And it just got worse from there. The mother negotiated and then never followed through on what they agreed anyway, the child cried and carried on and demanded attention and her mother ended up carrying her the whole 2kms. Geez, Louise!

    I don't mind making sacrifices for my child and I do the things I do for her with love. But the least I expect in return is for her to show me some basic respect. If I don't get that, she can go fend for herself!

    Surely there are lots of parallels between dog training and child rearing?

  9. #9
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    Well it's nice to see I'm not the only one who thinks this way, I was starting to think I had it all wrong!

  10. #10
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    oh my god, let the baby cry. If he/she has a full tum, a clean bum and no wind whatever, let them cry. People say you can't spoil a baby, but they are clever little shits and are manipulative! If you don't let the baby cry for a bit, then your mate is going to have a clingy kid and she won't be able to do anything at all. My kids slept like logs and still do, I vaccuumed, played music, banged cupboards and carried on with my life while they snoozed!! I had one girlfriend who would whisper and never did dishes while her bratskis were asleep because they would wake up, because she created this silence for them...the little buggers have to learn to fit into our lives, not the other way around. I never see my kids as a hinderance, because I have always done things while they were asleep the same as if they were awake.

    Post script...dogs are way easier to toilet train than children and I speak to Oskar the same as I speak to my girls.

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