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Thread: Letting your baby cry.

  1. #31
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    Yes I have children. I did not offer advice on purpose. My point was each child and family has their own way and culture. I can have an opinion but that is about it.
    I have worked with hundreds of families and their children over the last 30 years and I do know something about small children. I do not presume to offer advice, I am happy to be a listening ear and also help them access any assistance they require from those qualified to offer it. I am expert in my field but not every facet of child rearing and I haven't walked in their shoes.
    I look back and see some things I would do differently with knowledge I have now, that's hindsight for you!
    Young families need support not criticism.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by farrview View Post
    Yes I have children. I did not offer advice on purpose. My point was each child and family has their own way and culture. I can have an opinion but that is about it.
    I have worked with hundreds of families and their children over the last 30 years and I do know something about small children. I do not presume to offer advice, I am happy to be a listening ear and also help them access any assistance they require from those qualified to offer it. I am expert in my field but not every facet of child rearing and I haven't walked in their shoes.
    I look back and see some things I would do differently with knowledge I have now, that's hindsight for you!
    Young families need support not criticism.

    I didnt mean you were giving advice...I just assumed you didnt have kids coz of the way your post was worded.

    As I said, my post wasnt directed at you...its just a pet peeve of mine. Non-parents who think they know anything about parenting.

    I definitely agree, everyone would probably do some things differently in hindsight. My mum says it alot but she has raised 5 kids on her own who are all doing pretty well as adults (not financially I dont mean...I mean in other ways)

  3. #33
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    It shits me when childless people give their advice on how to raise children...It is a pet peeve of mine to Lala.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by farrview View Post
    Young families need support not criticism.
    Oh absolutely. But I think the fact that parents do cop so much criticism these days and are being made to feel that every little thing they do could potentially ruin their child for life is what makes some feel so helpless. I mean, where does this idea that it is harmful to ever let a baby cry come from? I'm sure these parents did not just make that up themselves. They were told by some so-called expert.

    I just object to this idea that parenting has turned into a martyr role. This idea that it's bad for your child if you ever put your own needs first. It never used to be like that. And apparently there is a massive difference in this if you compare European and Anglo-saxan cultures too.

    I guess what I am saying is that new parents get their advice from somewhere. And I don't believe most advice that they are now getting involves following their gut instinct, using trial and error and not to worry too much. Instead they get confronted with endless studies that only makes them worry more about getting it wrong. Just read the media reporting on daycare studies. And breastfeeding studies, don't get me started.

    So if you tell parents in your job to relax and do what they think is right, that's great. But sometimes it will be hard to make them use their common sense if they cannot switch off from the constant barrage of 'this is the only right way' advice in media and from peers.

  5. #35
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    Id say probably most parents dont like it LMAO

    Its the same as someone who has never owned a dog giving you advice on how to raise a dog..dont do it to me or I will punch you LOL

  6. #36
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    I'm getting pretty close to wanting to cyber punch some people right now for giving me UNWANTED advice on training my dog
    Last edited by Kuri_89; 05-25-2012 at 06:38 PM.

  7. #37
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    I thin young families have ironically wayyyy to much advice available theoretically ( tons of pamphlets, books, dvds out there!)
    However when you are tired out of your brain from lack of sleep and the 3 year old is still in nappies ( hates the potty) you need a friend not a lecture.
    I meet so many young Mums disconnected geographically from family and social networks and they are doing it tough. Our society is not child friendly any more ( if it ever was, not sure) There are not many places you can go with toddlers where you are actually welcome.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by farrview View Post
    I thin young families have ironically wayyyy to much advice available theoretically ( tons of pamphlets, books, dvds out there!)
    However when you are tired out of your brain from lack of sleep and the 3 year old is still in nappies ( hates the potty) you need a friend not a lecture.
    I meet so many young Mums disconnected geographically from family and social networks and they are doing it tough. Our society is not child friendly any more ( if it ever was, not sure) There are not many places you can go with toddlers where you are actually welcome.
    Hmmm I agree there is too much advice. And unfortunately, it turns new/young mums into complete soft cocks (for lack of a better term). Its that tiring having a kid, it just isnt. When they are newborns, they sleep all the bloody time, there is plenty of time to get some zzzz's. IMO, a child "hating the potty" at 3, isnt an excuse for it to still be in nappies.

    I was 19 when I had my daughter. I lived in a town where I knew noone, and my family all lived up the other end of the country. I didnt have a phone, and internet in homes was not for average joe. My OH worked 2 jobs so we could eat, he was home for an hour between jobs, and I couldnt aford maternity clothes (just stretched my reglar ones) and I couldnt afford new clothes after so had to wear all my stretched stuff) Personally, I dont think thats doing it tough. Its called doing what has to be done when you have a baby.

    All this advice, you get no sleep, its hard, this that and everything else, I think causes mothers to feel that way.

    Similar to pregnant women. All they hear is "you get tired", "you get morning sickness" etc, so because they expect it, they get it. Im not saying it doesnt exist at all, but I think some of these are exacerbated because people are expeting them.

    Maybe I am just a bit of a hard ass, but personally, I think people need to toughen up a bit when it comes to parenting/pregnancy.

    Obviously this doesnt apply blanketly because there are always exceptions.

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