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Thread: 8 years on. It does get easier...

  1. #1
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    Default 8 years on. It does get easier...

    So, today marks 8 years since the unexpected passing of my father. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. It doesn't feel like yesterday, but it doesn't feel like 8 years. That's almost a third of my life without him.

    In the 8 years, I have not visited his grave, even though I had been told it's a good idea. Some think I'm hidig it from myself. If I don't go, he's not gone, that kind f thing, and maybe they're right. I don't know. It's hard to understand these things, even at the age of 25.

    I had a cry yesterday for Valentine's Day, talking to my aunt over the phone. It does make it hard when you think about what he has and will miss, but it does get easier as time passes.

    If anyone else has lost a loved one, they know how I feel. That little pit that is created in your stomach for these such moments in life.

    Remember to tell the people in your life that you love them, even if it is hard. I made the mistake of being that embarrassed teenager that couldn't say it back over the phone in front of my school friends the last time we spoke and I do regret it. But, ce la vie. I'm sure he knew, really.

    Just thought I'd share this emotional moment in my life and remind people of how short life can be. Now I'm off to put on a brave face and tackle the rest of the day

    R.I.P. Dad. You will never be forgotten xx

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear Belinda! I suppose what some people don't understand is that you don't need to go and visit his grave to be near him, he is always around/with you anyway.

    I didn't realise you were only 25 either!

    There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

  3. #3

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    My father died 4 years ago. I still find it hard to visit his grave.

  4. #4
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    really sorry to hear........ i agree with JL, i am yet to visit my cousins grave...... i wouldnt know how to handle if my old man fell off his perch
    Quote Originally Posted by Sean View Post
    I love 2 things in this world. Spandex and reyzor... not necessarily in that order.

  5. #5
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    I only visited my mother's grave for the first time last month and she died nearly 20 years ago. It just wasn't something I felt the need to do, though I'd been in the area several times. But this time we had just had a big family get-together in the town where she is buried, with 4 generations including her first great grandson. So just my brother, sister and myself went to visit her grave together. We spent the first part of the time there sadly talking about how much she would have loved this family time together and thrived on learning about the new cultural ties entering our family (the 4th generation was born and lives in Sweden and his former surfer-dude Aussie dad is now a fluent Swedish speaker and stay-at-home dad). And then we just started laughing and joking about some silly stuff and ended up having to apologise to her! But she would have enjoyed that too. So she lives on in our memories and joins us at appropriate times.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadielee87 View Post
    Sorry to hear Belinda! I suppose what some people don't understand is that you don't need to go and visit his grave to be near him, he is always around/with you anyway.

    I didn't realise you were only 25 either!
    Yes, I'm 25. How old did you think I was?

  7. #7
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    Lol I dont know! I expect for some reason that everyone is older! Lol there are a few of us around this age!

    There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

  8. #8

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    My father passed away just over 10 years ago now when I was 15. I don't think it really gets easier. I still often find myself thinking what I wouldn't give for just 10 minutes with him today, just to see him as an adult. I thought I was all grown up at 15 but well, then you hit your 20's and your relationships with everyone you knew as a child start to transform into adult relationships. I wish I had got to have that with my dad.

  9. #9
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    So sorry to hear this.
    My Dad actually died in October 2011
    He had cancer for 7 years and was fighting it for so long.
    Last time he went into hospital he came home with a breathing
    tank..
    The next night he told Mum what ever happens everything will be ok.
    Mum woke up and Dad took his breathing mask off and had passed away
    during the night.
    We were all shocked, I was meant to spend that day with him.
    Since then my Mum has sold all contents in her house and purchased new furniture.
    even the washing machine..
    Since Dads funeral I haven't spoken to my mum as I found what she done hard to
    handle.
    Any way the story goes on and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Dad.
    My brother & Sister just go on as if nothing happen.
    I cry in bed at night I feel so sad when something about Dad pops up.
    My kids cry all the time about him..
    It's so sad to loose a family member.
    I can't forget my Dad EVER.
    If I had a problem I would call my Dad. I was always my dad's little girl
    and it kills me to think Dad's not here anymore.
    I keep telling myself I am dreaming but it really has happen..

    Take care & I know the pain you feel...
    Big Hugs

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky Lady View Post
    So sorry to hear this.
    My Dad actually died in October 2011
    He had cancer for 7 years and was fighting it for so long.
    Last time he went into hospital he came home with a breathing
    tank..
    The next night he told Mum what ever happens everything will be ok.
    Mum woke up and Dad took his breathing mask off and had passed away
    during the night.
    We were all shocked, I was meant to spend that day with him.
    Since then my Mum has sold all contents in her house and purchased new furniture.
    even the washing machine..
    Since Dads funeral I haven't spoken to my mum as I found what she done hard to
    handle.
    Any way the story goes on and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Dad.
    My brother & Sister just go on as if nothing happen.
    I cry in bed at night I feel so sad when something about Dad pops up.
    My kids cry all the time about him..
    It's so sad to loose a family member.
    I can't forget my Dad EVER.
    If I had a problem I would call my Dad. I was always my dad's little girl
    and it kills me to think Dad's not here anymore.
    I keep telling myself I am dreaming but it really has happen..

    Take care & I know the pain you feel...
    Big Hugs
    I know exactly how you feel too. My dad died at the start of year 12 for me. It was hard, very hard. Things would come up in the classroom that would just remind me of the pain. I would cry at lunchtime or during class and I'd have to step out.

    I can assure you that it does get easier. I didn't get my adult life with my dad, so I can't imagine what it would like, but I didn't live with my dad, so for the first little while I could just imagine that he was still at his house and that I just wasn't going to visit this weekend, which made it a little bit easier.

    In regards to your mother selling all the furniture, I am sure that would be very hard for you, to not be able to relate anything in the house to your dad anymore, but I can also see it from your mum's side. My dad lived with his mum, my nana. Each time we would visit her, she would get sad because of things in the house and not having him their sitting on that couch or lying in his bed. My nan is very catholic and spiritual though, so I guess she feels that having his belongings makes it easier for her to imagine he is still there and talk to him. She always talks as though he left her and went away, not that he died, which makes it easier for her too. Little things like that help people. With your mum, having the furniture in the house and seeing that your dad (her husband) was not there anymore was probably too hard for her to live in every day. Selling the furniture and buying new was probably a big help with her to overcome her depressive state. Yes, i agree, she should have asked you if you wanted any of it but I don't think people are overly rational at those times in their life.

    My dads dog lived with my nana. She was getting old (the dog) and had arthritis. She moped around the backyard because she knew what had happened and was depressed. I would go and visit my nana and Sasha (the dog) about twice a fortnight and one day I arrived, walked out the back, but Sasha wasn't there. I went inside to ask Nana where she was. Nana said it got to a point that her arthritis was too much and she thought it best to have her put down. I was devastated because I felt Sasha was my dad's dog and therefore my link to him and that was taken away from me. I wasn't consulted and once again didn't get to say goodbye. I was heartbroken. I have never told my nana how angry I was at her for doing that, but I'm sure she was just thinking of the best interests of Sasha and didn't realise how upset I would be at not saying goodbye. I don't hold it against her and still visit her regularly. I don't think it would be fair on her to tell her I was upset about it because even though I lost my dad, she lost her son. I (hopefully) will never know what that is like.

    You have to give your mum a chance. Give her a call. Ask her how she is. If you get upset or angry you can always hang up. You both need your family now. You (I assume) have not lost a husband yet and if you do, maybe you will see what she went and is going through and will understand why she did what she had to.

    Big Hugs back at you.

    Even though I'm young, if you need to talk about it, feel free to private message me. It does get easier and I can help remind you of that on those days that you feel you can't get out of bed because you miss him so much.

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