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Thread: School - so angry

  1. #1
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    Default School - so angry

    I have to have a vent...

    My daughter - nearly 7 - goes to the local public school. And I have been getting increasingly angry over the way they handle things. It's just a whole lot of little things that add up and yesterday I was about to explode. I must add that my reaction is also made a lot worse because of the way they treated my neighbour who cares for her granddaughter who is hopelessly falling behind at that school and no one gives a stuff.

    This week my girl's lunch order was stolen and she came home absolutely starving. Of course I confronted the teacher about this the next day and was told it would be dealt with. When I asked my daughter about it, she said the teacher had told her that the child who took her lunch "didn't know it wasn't hers". Of course I call BS on that. Lunch orders have the child's name written on them in big, fat letters. My girl told me the child was hiding her own sandwich behind her back when she took her food. So the kid got away with lying, my daughter has no confidence that this will not happen again and I was offered no follow up or compensation for the lunch order I paid for. Anywho, I calmed myself down and moved on.

    Then my daughter tells me yesterday that she was sent to the deputy principal's office 3 times in a row because some girl told 3 different teachers that my girl had "kicked her in the private parts". Now I am not the kind of parent who thinks their child can't do anything wrong. But my girl would not use violence. Just doesn't have it in her. She actually has never deliberately hurt a child. Even though on occasions I have tried to convince her to stand up for herself by hitting or kicking back! I was very proud of her that she actually spoke up for herself and told the staff that she didn't do it. Only to get told that she must be lying... The girl who 'dobbed her in' had told my girl that she would do anything to prevent her from playing with this other child at lunch time. And it worked a treat. She spent her whole lunch hour in time out.

    A similar thing happened once before in daycare and severely affected her then. And all last year in her first year at school, she was held hostage by these "friends" who constantly threatened to "tell on her" if she didn't do what they wanted her to. I worked so hard with her to teach her some assertiveness and to convince her to stand up for herself. And then this!

    She is now more likely to give in to threats of being told on - when she has done nothing wrong - and will be more unlikely to ask staff for help.

    Sorry about the rant. It is the last day of term here. But we are leaving on holiday today. So I just sent an email to the principal. Who no doubt will just shrug her shoulders, but I had to show my daughter that I at least will always stand up for her and believe her.

  2. #2
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    That sucks Beloz! Kids really can be shit, my little sister was always being bullied and it's sad to not be able to do anything about it.

    Are there any other school's she could possibly change over to? Maybe threatening the principle with that will make them pull their head in. I just went for an interview at a primary school in admin and the principle there told us parents are like customers and they will do anything necessary to keep them happy and if they pull their kid out its business they lose in a sense.

    There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

  3. #3
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    There were a group of Bully Girls at my kids school - they were always telling on the boys for some trivial infringement.
    My son told me that the boys in general were fed up with the situation.

    I went and complained to the principal - naming the specific girls and to her credit she knocked the problem on the head.
    The Bully Girls were punished for "telling tales".

    Unfortunately my daughter was bullied by some younger B%tches-in-Waiting (same school) but there was nothing that could be done.
    She went to a different school after that at her own request.
    I don't know if you can arrange sleepovers and the like to cement her place in the group. If you think the group is worth it?
    Do you know the mothers? Maybe you could invite them for coffee (if you can stand them - lol).

    In general I think it is just harder with girls. Sorry you have to go through this cr@p.

  4. #4
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    And people wonder why I am hesitant to send my boy to his first year of school next year our local primary school is primarily made up of young kids who steal, beat up other kids and look up Porn (not kidding) and yes there are a few exceptions but i can't help but wonder how so many kids from all sorts of ways of life all end up like that, there has got to be catalyst in the school system itself that causes some schools to produce so many jr crims in one school. but I don't have a choice the next quality school is either a Private boarding school or a public literally hours away, He is 4 next year so not really options at all. I have to hope my boy is strong enough not to turn out like most of the others from and continue to be a smart, caring and respectful human being. And hope we can move from the area before high school

  5. #5
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    I loathe school bullies....I feel for your daughter, it is very tough to be in that environment.

    It must be very frustrating....I am no help, just sad that these things happen
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  6. #6
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    Had a similar experience with my son.
    Sent my son to my old school which I had fond memories of from my own childhood. It was a great school ( Then ).

    Anyway, my boy was bullied and had lunches stolen ( and this was preschool ) ..

    So we got an interview with the Teacher(s) in the preschool..

    To put it bluntly, I thought the Teachers were F'ing useless and offered no solutions to the situation... We could just imagine this bullying would just continue.

    So we just pulled our son out of this state school and enrolled him into a private school.. I have had dealings with this private school in the course of my job and always found the students to be the most polite children of any school I've been in contact with..

    Anyway, The end result was a happy son who is still at the same school about to commence year 11 in 2012.. Best of all, an end of year 10 report card that is mostly B's and some A's.. I couldn't be happier and my son loves being part of this school..
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  7. #7
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    Fingers crossed the email gets a positive response and her new year is easier Beloz.

    If it continues, make an appointment with the school counsellor/psychologist, or a teacher that has shown genuine interest for your daughter in the past. Does not have to be the current one. We also had major dramas, esp when son started new grade with a teacher that was a shocker.

    The bullies are probably targeting other kids. It is so unfair that a child be expected to deal with this type of scenario, especially if adult guidance and support are lacking at the school.

    Schools are meant to be safe places where kids can learn and mature without this extra stress. Encouraging your daughter to stand up for herself is great, but I wouldn't suggest physical responses. It may send the wrong message and complicate the issue.
    Last edited by Chipps; 12-23-2011 at 11:08 AM.
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  8. #8
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    I am sorry to hear this Beloz. My eldest daughter has just turned 7 and fortunately our local state school is quite a good one, but I am a little worried about my daughter being able to stand up for herself, should she ever be bullied because she is quite placid. It's terrible that children bully each other so much these days. I hope you and the school can come to a good understanding and your daughter's life isn't marred by this experience too much.

  9. #9
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    I could have just not returned to this post and I felt very tempted not to. Because I have come to admit that I am a complete and utter gullible idiot.

    Got a call from the new deputy principal that morning. Long story short, my daughter made the whole 'being unjustly punished for kicking' story up!!! I was in total shock. Not that she had never lied to me before, but this was such an elaborate and totally convincing story. I could not believe my child could be such a lying, conniving little b!tch!

    So I had to profusely apologise to the deputy who fortunately was very, very nice about it (if it would've been the principal she would have made sure I felt even smaller). He called just as I was about to walk out the door to drive to the coast on holiday. I sat in the car on the driveway lecturing my daughter for close to an hour. I considered staying home to punish her. It'll take a long time to fix my damaged trust in her and I hope that will teach her the lesson she needs.

    After a week of cringing whenever I thought of the email, I can finally start to see the humour in it though. I know what I am like when I go into dramaqueen mode and I can't really blame my daughter for regarding it as 5 star entertainment. There's a big lesson in there for me and another "complete idiot" moment to add to my collection.



    PS: the lunch thing was true though. And she was bullied by so called friends last year. But I am starting to think that maybe she is getting less vulnerable and more able to stand up for herself than she used to be. And if all else fails, she can always lie her way out!!!

  10. #10
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    Speaking of bulllies...

    When we first moved to Sydney from NZ, I noticed a big difference in the kids my kids age (9 at the time). They were all a bit more "grown up" than her.

    Anyway, she went in with a group of girls and 2 of them in particular were very bitchy....to the point one night when we got bitchy texts at midnight. I rang their parents the next day. They tried to make excuses (well one of them did). After that one of the kids got a bit meaner, so I rang the parent again.

    I hate when paents dont do anything about their own childs behaviour. I knew my kid was probably retaliating and she was given lectures too.

    Thank god we moved is all I can say coz I would not have wanted her to go to high school with them. At her current school in Brissy, she has fallen in with a group of girls who are absolutely lovely.

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