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Thread: Finally Told My BIL to F**k Off - It Felt GOOD

  1. #1
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    Default Finally Told My BIL to F**k Off - It Felt GOOD

    My BIL is the biggest w*nker out there. I don't swear very often but he really just got to me tonight. I'm quite sick, I think it's just hayfever/sinus but everything hurts and my voice is gone. I couldn't even take Rox to school this morning, and that's saying something.

    My sister comes in and calls 4yo for a bath. He doesn't go, I look over and he's hitting the dog (jack russell x mini foxy) with a toy. I tell him to stop, he keeps doing it. I lunge off the chair to push him away and he scoots back, then throws the toy at me. I'm mighty peeved by that point so I grab his arm and tell him to get out. I never hit him, but he somehow wriggled onto his belly and from the way he was screaming I know he thought I was going to (I've done the pants off whack on the bum once when he made me furious. Only ever had to do it once, he's scared of it now!).

    BIL comes in and tells me to leave him alone. I just went off, saying he wasn't here and didn't see him throw the toy at the dog and at me when he was supposed to be doing what his mother told him. He has no respect and says 'well it's my son and I told you to leave him' so I told him to f**k off.

    Throwing the toy at me was the last straw, but when he hurts and annoys the dogs it makes my blood absolutely boil. I know what will happen to the dog when he finally can't take it any more and snaps. 4yo just came in now and started flicking the dog (who was just sitting on the chair) on the nose. Then the dog gets in trouble for snarling.

    The look on BILs face when I said it was priceless, and I was waiting for the 'don't swear in front of the children' bit. I was going to just start screaming every profanity I could think of just to p*ss him off more.

    My throat is burning at the moment, it's really sore. Totally worth it though!!

  2. #2

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    ha wish i was there will love to see his face ha

  3. #3
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    Far kennel.

    I understand your frustration but if the kid was a dog - would you do that or would you try distract and substitute something else for the not-a-toy dog he was persecuting?

    I have pinned a small child so she couldn't hit me any more. We had a conversation along the lines of "are you going to stop hitting me?" No? Then I'm not letting you go! She then started screaming for her mother who was out on the hockey field and she saw her child being held by me - and waved "Hi"... ie clearly the child was not being harmed - but she couldn't do any harm or get into trouble either... I escaped when half time came and I could hand her back to her mum. Anyway the child was hitting me because she thought I'd been "naughty". I thought were did she learn that you hit naughty people? Yikes.

    I watched my brother and SIL - snatch things from their children and then expect the children not to snatch from each other and to say please and thank you. I found it - while tedious - much more pleasant to say please and thank you and to not snatch and encourage each kid to wait their turn (and distract and substitute where necessary).

    Same as I would like to yell and swear at people who want to BYB - but it's better - mostly - not to. Learn more about operant conditioning and rewards based training, and the problem with punishment - ie unexpected fall out and the opposition reflex. Ie if you push - the other pushes back.
    Last edited by Hyacinth; 07-09-2011 at 08:43 PM.

  4. #4
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    The 4 yo is not your child? He is your nephew? You have smacked him once?
    I dont think there is anything wrong with smacking...your own child.

    I am a bit funny about this situation. On the one hand I think you did the right thing, but on the other hand as a parent, I can see where your BIL is coming from also.

    YYour living situation must be quite icky. Do you live with your sister and BIL? Whos are the dogs (Ive probably read this but having a momentary lapse)

  5. #5
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    No, the 4yo is not mine. My sister smacks him and has told me that if it's necessary she gives permission for me to smack him. Normally I do time outs and confiscate toys, but sometimes he just drives me mental, especially when it comes to the dogs.

    My sister and BIL are living with us with their two kids, 1yo and 4yo.

    I think I have every right to sit in my own home and not have toys thrown at me, or have my dog terrorized. Rox hates him, she runs from him. All I was doing was kicking him out of the room. If he can't play nice he can go somewhere else. Not corner the dog under a chair and annoying him until he retaliates and bites. I never hurt him, only grabbed him by the arm and put him outside the room. What annoyed me even more was that he'd already been told to get in the bath by my sister 5 minutes earlier and didn't go. So he's not doing as he's told, annoying the dog, trying to hurt me.....but I'm meant to sit there and say 'Oh please don't do that' while he throws things at me? No thanks.

    It is a strange situation and very annoying having them here all the time. My BIL is a complete tosspot who has no respect for anyone, he has a go at my parents and has told my Dad to shut up and not try to give him advice. He's a pig.

    I'm all for positive reinforcement, and this definitely is not my behavior all the time, but sometimes people just snap.

    The dogs are ours. Technically my sister owns Jackaroo, but he's lived here 80% of his life (even before they moved), my dad feeds him, he sleeps with my mum, and I train him and walk him. They're from Darwin, the poor dog freezes most of the time, but BIL thinks it's completely acceptable to leave him outside all the time.

    They had dogs in Darwin and it was repulsive. They had a dingo x that was always covered in ticks. He never trained it or spent any time with it. When he did go outside with the dog, he'd come back in 5 minutes later complaining that the dog was too excited and jumping on him. Um, der. My sister ended up surrendering it to the rspca.

    The dog they had after that just mysteriously died in their backyard. My sister was on holiday here, and got a call that the dog died. Probably because it was left outside the entire time in an environment where ticks suck the life out of you and if water isn't fresh every day bugs live it. I have no respect for this man and he can do whatever he wants in his own home, but in mine dogs are respected.

    I have seen 4yo body slam Jackson. The first time he did it I thought he'd broken the dogs rib. Jackson is a staffy, and the most placid dog I have ever met, but everyone has a breaking point. Jacksons breaking point won't be pleasant, the dog has lockjaw, can support his own weight from his jaw and has ridiculously sharp teeth.

    If I see 4yo doing wrong by the dog, he is punished. If he does the right thing, gently pats, then I tell him that's the nice way to behave. His 1yo brother understands this and is always gentle with the dogs. 4yo just doesn't seem to get it.

  6. #6
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    Hmm

    Need to prevent child from starting doggy persecution at all. A start might be - no approaching the dog - you only get to pat the dog if it approaches you.

    In this case I think I might have picked up the child (and pinned him so he couldn't flail or hurt anything or anyone), and given him to your sister. If only you could put him on lead. Cos that's what I'd do with my dog if she started harrassing a jogger or dog and ignoring my calls.

  7. #7
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    With a father like that, odds are the kid won't be "trained" very well. No wonder he picks on your poor dog.

  8. #8
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    Ahh thanks for explaining that Juce.

    What a horrid situation for you to be honest. I would hate to have any of my family members living with me...especially with their children.

    FYI, lock jaw is a myth.

  9. #9
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    Hya, we've tried that, he just doesn't get it. Last night after I'd told 4yo off and he'd come back from his bath, Jackaroo was on the chair with Mum. 4yo walked in and flicked him on the nose.

    The 1yo is great but has a terrible habit of leaning into the dogs faces for a kiss. If the dogs doesn't want it they just leave or ignore him, I've never seen him grab them and pull them or anything, but it still terrifies me because I know what will happen in the future. He has good intentions, and every time I see him do it I tell him no and say to pat the dog instead. It's hard when the dog licks him though! Positive reinforcement for the wrong thing.

    Lala, I didn't know that about lock jaw! Good to know. He is strong though, Dad was playing tug of war with him once with a rope. Jackson likes to grab the rope just where your hands are. Dad pulled up and the dog didn't let go, he pulled further until Jackson was off the ground. He hung there for quite awhile, I was shocked. The dog never let go either, Dad had to put him down in the end out of fear of breaking his teeth. So he's just really stubborn I guess!!

    I spoke to my sister quickly today about last night, she said that BIL never mentioned it to her, probably because he knows that she'll say I was right, and that if 4yo is being naughty he needs to be told off.

    I probably could have gone without swearing at him, but he really is just the biggest w*nker. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

  10. #10

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    Thanks Lala was about the say that.

    Juc - All Stafford (Amstaff, Staffy, Pitbull) breeds have a very strong jaw but no stronger than German Shepherds and Rotties and a few other breeds. Lockjaw is a myth created by the idiot media.

    Sucky situation. I can see where you are coming from and I personally would have had the same reaction. In saying that your Sister (Kids mother) didn't enforce what she asked him to do either, she should have come and gotten him and put him in the bath. Sounds like the kid needs more discipline. I wouldn't be letting the kid anywhere near any of the dogs because as you said it is only a matter of the kid doing something that really upsets or hurts one of the dogs and one of the dogs might snap, not worth it.

    Glad you got some of it out by yelling at your BIL though, everyone needs to unload every now and then.

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