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Thread: You Dont Have to Read This

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Hey Pandii,

    It's never easy being a parent. Hardest job in the world. I agree with the others, pick a time to sit down and talk to her in complete honesty, and yes, show her what you wrote here. But in the end, they are just words, and mean little to anyone if they are not followed up with actions.

    I think, particularly following a setaration, kids fail to see their parents are in a bad way possibly, but then again I think parents often fail to see the kids are also feeling it badly.

    No person, thing friend, nothing takes priority over children IMO. I also think when life gets to the stage where a parent is not spending enough quality times with a child, life needs to be looked at ruthlessly, and if need be, some things need to be canned.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that once the kids have left home, we have a lifetime of being able to do what we want, when we want. But we can NEVER take back those years with our children! Maybe consider simplifying your life abit. Look at what you can wipe to spend more time with her, or change schedules so it works better for both yourself and your daughter.

    I have learnt that a lot of children think we are invincible, and when we sit down with them and throw evereything on the tabel in TOTAL HONESTY, they realise we are feeling the exact same things they are - I have found that helps dramatically when having relationship issues with your children.

    All the best. Oh, and a big hug for you, because realising this needs attention is the first biggest step IMHO.

  2. #12

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    I am still a young teenager and my parents split when I was 8 and only get to see my dad every second weekend and so on.

    My mum has recently had a back operation and we do not get to do anything like we used to. She isn't allowed down town, to go out for walks that are longer than 15mins etc.

    The last two months I have had to go out on long walks by myself with the three dogs.. and we used to always go down town shopping, every day, and I mean every day.

    Now that we cannot do this anymore and cant for about 6 months, I suddenly realise how lucky I am just to get to spend 5 minutes with my mum, even if those 5 minutes are in the bathroom brushing our teeth etc.

    I would love to be able to do all this with my mum but can't.

    At the end of the day, what I like to hear most from my mum is those words at night before I go to bed... "Love you". They mean so much more these days..

    I thought that I wouldn't have to deal with this till I live on my own... but dealing with this now, makes you realise so many things..

    My birthday was spent at home all day, and to me, it was the best birthday ever as I spent it with MY mum.

    I have gone off track and I apolgise but this is something I have needed to get off my chest for 12 months now. As it was 12months ago on April 10 that Mum got her back injury and she only just had the surgey on February 26th and is expected 6 months until full recovery.

    I hope this makes you feel better.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Sydney
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    What a lovely post Belle. You sound like you are coping amazingly well and if your parents could see what you have written I'm sure they would be very proud of you.
    Last edited by mouseandchicken; 04-15-2010 at 01:24 PM.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Sydney
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    sometimes damage can never be undone, iykwim.

    I have a mother who always seemed more interested in other things, so I speak from personal experience. 29,19 or 9 they are still the same small child inside...You do forgive for the sake of your mum, but the memory stays.

    I feel that sometimes some women as they get older or go through a divorce think 'now is the time for me' and can things they do without meaning to have a huge impact on their children.


    In no way is this meant to upset of offend, just giving my opinon and experience.
    Im glad you seem to of made up with your daughter

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by mouseandchicken View Post
    What a lovely post Belle. You sound like you are coping amazingly well and if your parents could see what you have written I'm sure they would be very proud of you.
    Thanks MAC.

    Just as we thought we were heading uphill after many months of down, we found out that Mum has to go back to Melbourne for rehab (physiotherapy) for 2 weeks. Her operation was in Epworth hospital, Melbourne and she was only there for 5 days and of those 5 I spent 3 with her before I had to return to school.

    Then she was transfered to an Albury Wodonga rehab clinic where she spent a week and that week was like hell to me.

    Now I just don't know how I am going to cope the 2 weeks she is gone, again.

    I hate re-living this!! It is like it never ends....

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    Sydney
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    Are you left alone while she is gone Belle?

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Adelaide
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    Hi Pandii

    With a mixed tribe like that, planning anything must be really difficult and yet to keep autistic/aspergers kids relatively happy - you have to plan and stick as best you can to the routine.

    I suggest next time you plan some special time with your daughter, try to make it a first thing in the morning event - ie before anything else can go wrong or hold you up, and organise someone that the rest of the family trusts to come and fill in for you. You could still watch DVDs but it would be breakfast not supper. Ideally you'd both get out of the house for a while, and walk or do something that involves exercise - cos that's good to get the brain working too (dopamine and seratonin and all that).

    Where I live there are great beaches and cafes where you can get something to eat early and even have the dog with you.

    Another thing to do is include the whole family in the plan, ie it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone and they should all be happy to help you get your time together.

    In the meantime, talk to your daughter about grabbing the occasional moment spontaneously. I feel like a commercial - but a coffee together and maybe spend some time planning your special time or just discussing nothing in particular and let her know how you feel - like your post here. However, words are best backed up by action, and the action your daughter needs is time with you. Even if it's only a little bit occasionally as best you can manage. And you both need to look at what you can do to make spending a bit more special time together - easier to achieve.

  8. #18

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    Thanks so much, it helps to share and to chat about it

    I have just got home from picking her up from school and we had a chat, all is good and I have written downt hings I can do with her and to help her

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by rebec View Post
    Are you left alone while she is gone Belle?
    Nope, I stay with my three brothers and my nan and pop.

    It's just so much pressure on top of school and trying to keep the house clean and making sure I get the right amount of money out of mums bank account for the groceries, I also have to write the list and go grocery shopping with my nan.

    My brothers are no help at all. I have tried to get them to help but they wont. 18 years old, 16 years old then there is me the youngest. You would think that as they are the oldest they would help out more..

  10. #20

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    Quote Originally Posted by Belle View Post
    Nope, I stay with my three brothers and my nan and pop.

    It's just so much pressure on top of school and trying to keep the house clean and making sure I get the right amount of money out of mums bank account for the groceries, I also have to write the list and go grocery shopping with my nan.

    My brothers are no help at all. I have tried to get them to help but they wont. 18 years old, 16 years old then there is me the youngest. You would think that as they are the oldest they would help out more..
    Brothers wouldn't be much help at 18 & 16! Just think though Belle, you are taking on a lot of responsibilities, but also with responsibilities and doing things right, you are learning a lot of valuable lessons for when you are older and have your own household!

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