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Thread: Aggression in the Forum.

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angela's Gone Batty View Post
    I'm still trying to work out what is going on and why everyone is so sensitive about everything. Heck you can't even ask someone to explain something to you when you don't understand what they have said!

    I also think it's ridiculous to tell everyone not to say "I would never do this" because frankly that's how it is. Some people would never do that. That's not crapping all over someone else's advice, saying "you don't know what you're talking about" is crapping on someone else's advice.

    I'm getting more and more frustrated with having to bite my tongue and reconsider everything that I say 'Just in case' it offends someone. No-one will always get along with everyone else. No-one will always agree with everyone else. We're human, that's the way it is. At least if you disagree with someone explain why. Don't just say I disagree without explaining your position on it.

    Going back to my dial-up speed induced hibernation now.
    Angela, I totally understand where you are coming from, re the sensitivity. Actually I think personally I would describe it as 'defensive.' I think it's to do with the way we all try to sort out any misunderstandings - or not.
    For example, I made a comment in a thread to Dogmad the other day. Dogmad thought it was meant in a way that sounded rather...bad. I didn't mean it like that at all, so explained immediately. No probs. Dogmad was lovely about it (thank you Dogmad) and so we moved on to discuss the topic.
    Now, if she had got all defensive and started attacking me, or visa versa, it would have been a very different outcome.

    Two ppl who I constantly see showing great communication skills and diplomacy in this way are Beau and Bo. They avert any misunderstanding by speaking nicely to other members with the utmost respect. I know I am trying to learn from their example (amongst others) and think if we can all be a little less defensive, we won't need to be so sensitive in the first place.

  2. #32

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    & what about those of us that are.. straight to the point, say it as it is?? .. i am who i am & i'm for one am not going to change my ways....We all have different ways of expressing our selves & i just don't have the writing skills to sugar coat my words & make them all sweetie/cuties like & write an essay size posts all the time..

    I sometimes couldn't be bothered at times to reply to some peoples posts for fear of being belittled & made out to be a nasty person etc etc.

    I don't think any of us should have to explain our selves or our opinions every single time some one disagrees with us & questions us etc etc.. we say what we think & just leave it at that..
    Last edited by Aussie Floyd; 04-12-2010 at 08:09 AM.

  3. #33
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    Yeh I think we all have days where we say things that come out wrong or we read more into what is being said than what was intended, I am guilty of both. I just think that maybe we should try to be a bit more understanding and maybe, if someone takes exception, then explain where you are coming from rather than arguing. And if something someone says sh!ts you off then maybe try to ignore it, its not that hard and it avoids more arguments. Just a thought.

    Breeding, Showing, Training and general crazy making!!!
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussie Floyd View Post
    & what about those of us that are.. straight to the point, say it as it is?? .. i am who i am & i'm for one am not going to change my ways....We all have different ways of expressing our selves & i just don't have the writing skills to sugar coat my words & make them all sweetie/cuties like & write an essay size posts all the time..

    I sometimes couldn't be bothered at times to reply to some peoples posts for fear of being belittled & made out to be a nasty person etc etc.

    I don't think any of us should have to explain our selves or our opinions every single time some one disagrees with us & questions us etc etc
    .. we say what we think & just leave it at that..
    Hell, ppl are going to disagree with each other all the time, that's reality, would be boring if we all agreed. Lol.
    Mind you, if someone asks me a question about a comment I have made I would certainly endeavour to answer them and discuss it further - IMO to do otherwise would be ignorant.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussie Floyd View Post
    & what about those of us that are.. straight to the point, say it as it is?? .. i am who i am & i'm for one am not going to change my ways....We all have different ways of expressing our selves & i just don't have the writing skills to sugar coat my words & make them all sweetie/cuties like & write an essay size posts all the time..

    I sometimes couldn't be bothered at times to reply to some peoples posts for fear of being belittled & made out to be a nasty person etc etc.

    I don't think any of us should have to explain our selves or our opinions every single time some one disagrees with us & questions us etc etc.. we say what we think & just leave it at that..

    I appreciate the honesty and not beating about the bush attitude that people have, but just because how 'it is' for one doesn't mean its fact for everyone else, and that should be respected and understood by the person who is 'saying it as it is'...iykwim?

    gee I hope my train of thought can be understood lol

  6. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleasanta View Post
    AF...you can get your points across and be straight forward without being nasty...simple.

    It is not about sugar coating...it is about communicating without ripping someones throat out when they disagree. Like with the prong collar thread...I asked you some questions and you ended up writing in a very aggressive manner!

    Example...we all know you are passionate about SBT's...but that doesn't mean everybody MUST like them...MUST see them the same way you and I do. It is OK for other people not to like them in my opinion. You take it VERY personal when people simply say...I don't like SBT's. Sure...they might not know the SBT much, but it could just be they don't like the way they look....that they have seen some nasty ones and have even been bitten by one.

    I don't like "sausage" dogs...I was bitten by one when I was little...simple.

    Cleasanta.... i honestly don't think anyone should have to explain or come up with a reason as to why they dislike something... imo you may say that you don't like something etc.. well then it should be left at that & others should respect & accept your choices & not throw questions at you or nic pic or belittle etc.


    I cant ever remember having a go at any one for not liking SBT's. I have respected others breed choices & never questioned them about their likes or dislikes & i cant remember taking offense to those that may have a dislike for SBT's.

    Please read the thread.."what breed makes you go huh".. you will see that there have been a few others that dislike my beloved breed, but i never had a go at them or question others reasons etc, i just accepted their choices respectfully.

  7. #37
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    Wow !!
    How did I miss this thread... ?

    What can I say... It's a forum, simple as that...

    Different people express themselves in different ways.. Statements that may seem a bit strong to some, may just be normal expressions of thoughts to others , not meaning any offence at all !!

    Some are very direct with their thoughts whilst others will tippee toe around...

    Some just say it as it is...

    I can't say I have noticed anything tending towards malice or purposely hurtful statements....

    Might be I'm just too old to notice... lol
    Funny thing is, in my job, many of my co workers can't stand certain people whom we come across during the course of our job, where I never seen to have any problems and often get a smile or laugh from these perceived 'difficult' people !!!

    Crikey... Seems I'm starting to write a story here.....

    * Dr Mitte quickly leaves the room *
    http://www.dogforum.com.au/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=577&dateline=12727082  14

  8. #38
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    I dont think a person should have to explain every single comment of theirs; it can get quite tiring. But if someone makes a comment and someone else takes it the wrong way, they should ask the first person what they meant, before getting on the defensive. If the first person gets on the defensive when the second person asks what they mean, instead of the second person puffing up like a rooster and continuing the 'your wrong to say that!' 'no, YOUR wrong for saying that!' debate. Its ridiculous. We are HUMAN BEINGS, said to be the MOST INTELLIGENT species. Well, you coulda fooled me, with some of the comments made on here. Dont you think we can sort this out, have different opinions, say what we feel without fear of being attacked or belittled? It sure would be nice.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    Angela, I totally understand where you are coming from, re the sensitivity. Actually I think personally I would describe it as 'defensive.' I think it's to do with the way we all try to sort out any misunderstandings - or not.
    For example, I made a comment in a thread to Dogmad the other day. Dogmad thought it was meant in a way that sounded rather...bad. I didn't mean it like that at all, so explained immediately. No probs. Dogmad was lovely about it (thank you Dogmad) and so we moved on to discuss the topic.
    Now, if she had got all defensive and started attacking me, or visa versa, it would have been a very different outcome.


    Two ppl who I constantly see showing great communication skills and diplomacy in this way are Beau and Bo. They avert any misunderstanding by speaking nicely to other members with the utmost respect. I know I am trying to learn from their example (amongst others) and think if we can all be a little less defensive, we won't need to be so sensitive in the first place.
    That's it exactly DA. How on earth can we be expected to understand things when we aren't able to ask questions to expand our knowledge? Our conversation about training methods is a great example too. I now have a much better understanding of the way you train, and I can understand why you train that way (I think), I train in a different way that ends up with the same result IYKWIM?

    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    Hell, ppl are going to disagree with each other all the time, that's reality, would be boring if we all agreed. Lol.
    Mind you, if someone asks me a question about a comment I have made I would certainly endeavour to answer them and discuss it further - IMO to do otherwise would be ignorant.
    That is what I have an issue with the most. It seems that asking a question to better understand someone else's point of view is wrong in some peoples opinion.

    Quote Originally Posted by rebec View Post
    I appreciate the honesty and not beating about the bush attitude that people have, but just because how 'it is' for one doesn't mean its fact for everyone else, and that should be respected and understood by the person who is 'saying it as it is'...iykwim?

    gee I hope my train of thought can be understood lol
    I understand what you mean, and just because I respect what someone says does not mean I won't ask any questions when I feel I don't understand what they have said. If I find something offensive (for lack of a better word) I will say so and explain why I do. It seems that is aggressive or over-questioning someone to do that? I do that in normal conversations and will write my questions down in lectures to ask later on. It is normal behavior to ask when you don't understand something.

    As far as saying "I would never" goes, there are lots and lots of things that I would never do and I'll openly admit that I wouldn't do them. For instance, I won't give Batty a smack on the backside. I don't see any reason to do so. Same as I would never use a rolled up newspaper. I won't consider doing either, having seen them happen to dogs when I was growing up and frankly that didn't get a good enough response to warrant it IMO.

    I would prefer something to be direct and to the point, but in posting an opinion on a forum I always expect it to be questioned. I will always disagree with people being told to watch tv shows and use the training techniques implemented in them. And it will be a very passionate response. It's nothing against the person posting the advice, it's because no-one can possibly understand everything that is shown yet not explained. If the presenters explained it all they'd only get one season

  10. #40
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    The main problem, as I see it is that type, as a communication medium is a very flat and restricted one. No body language or voice inflections are there so people can judge intent of words. Those with a clipped curt way of speaking, and translating that to type can come across as aggressive where maybe it is not meant to. Others may post more words in an effort to try and get around this type problem.

    Apart from obvious times when people are not getting on, I feel that the typed medium is the real culprit along with how a person is actually feeling in themselves on the day which may or may not distort their perception of words, on both sides.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

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