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Thread: Just Need 'outsider' Advice

  1. #1
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    Default Just Need 'outsider' Advice

    *Edited*

    I got a lot of replies about the 'issue' and thankyou so much but like I did mention in the op am editing it out...
    Last edited by Sharoo; 12-20-2009 at 10:44 PM.

  2. #2
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    I am not ignoring your post Shar, just pondering more before I post.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

  3. #3
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    same here

  4. #4
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    Sounds like a drunk bogan bitch who needs to be deleted from your life. If this was your best friend, you need to choose friends better - a druggie, alco who sleeps around - sounds like a real charmer. You are better off without her and your brother, I am sure, will realise what trash she is. How will he ever be certain that he is the father?

  5. #5
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    My first response is, if she's cheated numerous times, is it your brothers??? Im not being rude etc, but it sounds like a DNA test might be needed as she cannot be trusted..

    As for her response about drinking etc, if you want a whole bucket load of info what smoking drinking and drugs do to unborn babies i'm more then happy to give you all the info you need.. There's actually a syndrome (forgotten its name as i've just sat down for the day) but its through drinking and smoking and it actually affects the child's perception on life, they become quite defensive, stubborn and almost paranoid and it's all about the brain waves being affected at such a young age and not forming properly..

    That being said, I am the first to admit that my pregnancy was a surprise (I had the implanon inserted but it failed on me 3 months down the track from first insertion) and I was a pretty big party-goer.. I was mortified at the fact that i drank and smoke (cigs not drugs!!) for almost 3 months as i didn't know i was pregnant... I will never forgive myself but i purely didn't know..

    I find it hard to believe that she had "no idea" she was pregnant.. You know when your last period was you have an "idea" it might be a week or two off but you still know (if that makes sense?) I think it was pretty irresponsible to wait until after her 21st before dealing with a potential issues but hey! thats just me

    I know you said dont quote, but its a bit hard not too
    The reason i deleted you is because i was hurt by the things i herd and i had every right to be,i lost a baby last year and i was not about to let it happen again over a thing like this its not worth it.I drank,did drugs before i found out i was pregnant with jayden and i was around 8 weeks when i found out and he is fine..im sure you did it before you found out with either one or both your girls because you simply didnt know,i would never judge someone by that as long as i knew they were doing the right thing the minute they found out..I just wish that you could have told me how you were feeling good or bad because the minute i herd all that **** i started stressing bad and i want to be as stress free as i possibly can because i know what it can do to the baby.
    Sorry but thats just hypocritical bullcrap!! if she was so upset about what she had heard and so forth then why didn't she come to you, like she told you, you should have when you first found out.. It's a bit hard to take what she is saying constructively when she wont follow her own advice..

    As for stress, well it takes a LOT of stress and unless its physically strain on the body there actually isn't a known case of "stress" causing harm and/or loss of a baby.. Google it, I'm right That came from a midwife I'm not just making things up..

    End of the day, honestly I think you're being very defensive of your brothers situation, which is perfectly acceptable you're worried about him, I don't know your brother so i can only assume he hasn't though of where they were 7 - 8 weeks ago and also her past etc.. he's just warming to the idea of becoming a father (and who can blame him! under the right circumstances its a great experience)

    BUT! (and there always is a but isn't' there lol) if this was your friend, and someone else how would you react?? Would you be this worried/upset/ demanding answers or would you just be worried for her but also happy?

    You said you wanted to keep the two separate your friend and your brother, and I think this is where you have to try you hardest to do that... I don't know if I could (honestly) but at the end of the day you're going to end up loosing a good friends and also possibly the friendship of your brother if you keep "at" his (possible) babies mother...

    i think the best thing to do is, just be there for him when s**t hits the fan as you expect it will (and I agree with you). if you need to vent etc could you talk to your mum etc? Share your concerns with her, but i wouldn't be taking primary pole position for the abuse as even if you are right, and even if he/she comes running to you later on.. For the now you're going to be wrong no matter what you say to either of them, and thats no fun for you

    As to reply to her last bit, then i would simply be saying.. "reguardless of what has or hasn't happened in the past, the fact of the matter is you're now pregnant with XXX baby and he is apart of the family, which means you are too, and in saying that, you would suggest she does turn up so she can start to get to know his family and support network rather then it being uncomfortable later on (ie, when she's had the baby and every one is barging in)... and then just assure her, nothing will be said etc..

    It's a bit of a test, if shes seriously thinks its his baby , loves him etc she'll show up. If not well IMO theres a lot there that she's not telling people... She's already a mother so she should be responsible enough to be able to suck up any unresolved issues and be the better man.. but just because you're a parent doesnt mean you're mature does it

    Sorry for the long post!! hope i made sense!!

  6. #6
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    Makes me wonder how some blokes are so gullible & blind to what can happen right under their noses & they cant see it. I would be demanding a DNA regardless of wether the relationship continues or not. She will want child support if it does finish, bet your bum on that one.

  7. #7

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    occy long time on hear how are you and Sharoo im not not ignoring you

  8. #8
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    Personally I think the response above about her being a drunken bogan has pretty much summed it up.

    In my honest opinion I'd say to you "stop wasting your breath and time". Some people are not worth the emotional investment. Sometimes, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own way.

    Wipe the friendship and your involvement. Be there at the end if the pieces need to be picked up but don't interfere or involve yourself, you are only making a crap situation worse. There are some battles you simply can't win, and this is one of them.
    A pessimist sees the glass as half empty;
    An optimist sees the glass as half full;
    A realist just finishes the damn thing and refills it.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne View Post
    Personally I think the response above about her being a drunken bogan has pretty much summed it up.

    In my honest opinion I'd say to you "stop wasting your breath and time". Some people are not worth the emotional investment. Sometimes, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own way.

    Wipe the friendship and your involvement. Be there at the end if the pieces need to be picked up but don't interfere or involve yourself, you are only making a crap situation worse. There are some battles you simply can't win, and this is one of them.
    I agree with this, you need to leave it alone, and be there if you are needed if it all goes to crap.

  10. #10
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    Thanks so much for the replies..
    The way she was having a go at me about it I thought I was in the wrong.
    I wanted to post it and see if it was me or her that should say sorry etc..

    I showed my mum and she just said to ignore it and be happy for my brother. I really don't have anyone that isn't involved I can talk to, hence posting it here...

    I don't find the comments rude, I do have my doubts he is the father but everyone else thinks that he 100% is.
    I seem to be the only one that has a problem with it like they have been saying on fb without thinking why I would be upset...


    Jodz- Trust me I am most upset about the drinking drugs etc. Especially her justification about it!!!
    My brother mentioned they were stressing about her missing a period but they only tested AFTER her 3 day drinking binge and then said she was about 7-8 weeks.. nearly 2 missed periods...

    My brother wants me to be excited but I'm not. I have an 8 year old nephew and I'm the only one in the family who just has the one. The others have my 2 girls as well so its not like I don't want a niece or nephew. I even offered to have a a baby for my sister when she got breast cancer (would be 100% hers, she just can physically get pregnant do to surgery)

    When my sister was pregnant my hand was almost physically attached to her belly and if it wasn't there was daily phone calls..lol

    I feel nothing towards this baby and I feel like a horrible person because of it

    Thanks heaps everyone who posted (or pondered! lol) I feel a lot better getting it all out and knowing someone out there is listening

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