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Thread: Vent!!

  1. #1
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    Sep 2009
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    Default Vent!!

    ok so i appologise in advance for this but im going to vent/sook so bear with me ok!!

    ok so me and dano (bf) have been together almost three years and we never fight. ths year we moved in together and still dont fight its a pretty awesome relationship no jelousy no nastiness and i love him....

    but

    he never makes time to do stuff together. he goes to his mates place over an hour away (with out telling me) which is fine i like him hanging out with his mates its good, and he drives 3 hours and goes hiking with his brother which is also fine.

    but

    when i suggest we do something together he says no, or hes too tired, or its the weekend and he just wants to do his own thing. generally he uses the tired excuse.

    so

    when i suggest that maybe i come along when he goes to his mates i get turned down, i havent done this all year mind so its not like i never let him have boy on boy time.. and lately he's just been going, and telling me when i call him all worried because he's an hour and a half late home from work.

    any way he did it again tonight third time this week so i sent him a big message wich he has ignored....

    do you think im being selfish becuase im not happy just eating dinner together?? because thats pretty much all the quality time we get

    sorry again

  2. #2
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    aghhh why is it when i need a hug no one is around sigh (and slight sniffle)

  3. #3
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    he even took the dog tonight so i dont even have her to cheer me up

  4. #4
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    If I had longer arms I'd give you a hug. He really needs to make time for you both together. I think he has been getting it too good.
    The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs.

  5. #5
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    so its not just me?? few!! i wish i could ang out with someone all my friends have left melbourne to go home for chrissy sniffle

  6. #6
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    Lemme see

    you've been together 3 years and he's not asked you to marry him or made any kind of permanent committment.

    he makes more time for his mates than you. Fair enough but that means you're still considered a temporary part of his life. Ie I put my mates ahead of any bf, but the bf's come and go and the mates hang around - is that what kind of gf you are?

    There's something about actually relating to you as opposed to sex that he doesn't want to know about. He doesn't have fights or disagreements because it's easier to go with the flow or avoid you altogether and given it's only temporary as far as he's concerned why bother getting into a fight about it.

    Have you read the book "he's just not that into you". The guy that wrote that would say your bf is still thinking there's something better than you out there. Your bf may also start treating you very badly so he doesn't have to be the one to break up with you. So you will be the one that gets fed up and leaves.

    You let him get away with treating you like that. Any chance you could take your dog and go stay with a friend or family member for a few days. Don't tell him first - after all that's what he does to you. See how he likes it. If he likes it - then you have your answer. Time to move along. Make sure you take possession of the dog first though.

  7. #7
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    you've been together 3 years and he's not asked you to marry him or made any kind of permanent committment.
    Slightly off topic but try 7 yrs here LOL

    No i don't think you're being unreasonable hun at all,, however i will say we do have this argument a bit at this house too.. Mates, work, sleep his my OH's routine and I throw in our daughter on sundays for some quality time.. But one on one time is non exsistant even when we get a babysitter..

    I don't think it's a lot to ask, i mean even a trip to the movies or something during the week if he's weekends are soo busy...

    I don;t know what it is with boys and their mates, i KNOW my other halfs mates we get along like a house on fire, yet i'd be invited once every 9 - 10 months to something, yet he see's them 52 times a year AT LEAST...

    Ask him if roles were reversed how he'd feel

  8. #8
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    haha well i got a call back like an hour and a half after i sent the message and i only managed to hang on up until "i see where your coming from but you have to let me do what i want" before i hung up.... and as you can see by the time of this post i havent had much sleep.
    i think what makes it worse is im not a sooky gf and i dont cry at the blink of an i eyelid in fact this is the first time since the middle of last year that i have been upset. and i was obviosly upset on the phone but he doesnt even call me back or send me a message or anything!! guess it was probly good he wasnt here though after that last statement he made i probably would have strangled him.
    well if he turns up today i dont know what im going to say....

    hyacinth...wow made me even more depressed lol
    well three years isnt that long to be honest, and he made a pretty big comittment moving in together..

    i dont know where i stand in regards to how he views me as a gf because i cant read his mind, ah well im just goin to see how things pan out.. i dont want to moveout for a few days because i dont think that solves anything and it avoids the problem

    anyway thanks guys its much appreciated

  9. #9
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    Hi Laura,
    I don't know your situation, I don't live with you or near you. I am not one of your friends so I have no insight other than what you have written so if you don't agree / don't like / or if I'm right off the mark ignore me.

    He lives with you, but didn't come home at all last night?

    You don't know if he will show up today.

    You never get any quality time.

    He does not show any concern for when you get upset even though this is not a regular occurance. (sp?)

    He puts his friends and his feelings above your own.

    To me it is coming across the screen that he is not there for the long haul, you need to sit down with him and let him know how you feel. Let him know what you have let us know and guage his reaction from that.

    You have been with him for a long time, you need to decide what YOU need and want out of this relationship.

    I hope you can work out your issues

  10. #10
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    Hi Laura

    Big hug to you to begin with!

    Look...I agree with cate...it just doesn't seem like he is "there" 100%.

    When I read your post...it reminded me of the book/movie "He's just not that into you". I am not writing this to hurt your feelings...I am just being honest from how I see it (since you did ask).

    A man who is commited 100% to a relationship...will do anything if you get my drift. He will spend time with you...he will incorporate you into his life and mates...he will spend time with you to "do things"...he will make you feel special

    A man "who is into you" will commit himself...will walk on burning coal for you etc.

    You need to evaluate your relationship. You need to figure out what you need and TELL HIM! It is supposed to be a partnership...not a one-way relationship. At this point he has it all...a girlfriend who has let him "spend time" with his mate....he has his mates and freedom to do what he feels like...he doesn't answer his sms/mobile until HE feels like it....hmmmmm! I can tell you one thing...a guy like that would last all but 2 seconds in my life!!!

    While he is out have "fun" with his friends.....what are you doing? Are you normally hanging out with your friends on those occasions or are you just at home...waiting for him to return?

    The problem is....when things like this happen...doubt and thoughts pop up.

    I was wondering...do you trust him? Do you love him...I mean REALLY love him? But more important and this is VERY important........do you LIKE him as a person?

    I want you to ask yourself this...if you weren't seeing him and you knew what he was like and how he was treating his girlfriend...would you be happy having him as a friend?

    I am sending you a PM as well Laura

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