Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: VERY Off-topic! Giveaway...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Devonport, Tasmania
    Posts
    6,675

    Default

    Don't be sorry, Choppa - throw ideas out there! This is seriously harming us (OH and I) and it has to stop, somehow, so any thoughts are helpful.

  2. #12

    Default

    Have you tried discussing with at least the oldest son what its doing to you and his dad ? Does he realise what he's doing and vice versa as well?
    Though it sounds as though they do as you've spoken to them before .
    Do they get any type of reward situation out of it? Such as do they get what they want because you'll do anything to shut them up ? (yes,am guilty of that one)

    Its hard for you and hubby as there is obviously no harmony existing,no peace . So home has become a battle front instead of a haven. Do you both agree on punishments,ways to handle things etc ? The absolute one thing the boys need to see is that you and hubby are united in your choices.

    Have they ever told you one on one why they dislike the other so much ?

    I feel terrible for you because that awful feeling of unrest is dreadful hanging over you all the time
    GageDesign Pet Photography
    Site still in construction so will post link when it's finished.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    297

    Default

    First off all, i commend you for being able to subjectively answer my last question, it's not an easy thing to answer/admit,yet it's almost impossible not to favour one over the other (many will disagree, but thats My opinion)

    has anything happened this year to make things go over board? One definitive moment, etc.. I don't want to go past the boundaries here, but perhaps the younger one caught mr 14 in a compromising position and now holds a little something over him? (if you get my drift about boys and hormones...)

    if he is the one starting it, then without being there and being able to see, i would put it down to trying to excise a bit of independence and setting himself apart from his 9 yr old brother (trying to show hes older, better then) but in fact its backfiring by his childishness (don't ever try to figure out teenagers, rmeember when you were one? :P )

    On the same hand, could he perhaps have a bit of an upper hand and think that he is favoured one and trying to show mr 9 this (again my comment about teenagers and not trying to understand)?

    Does he get to do things that mr 9 doesnt, or do they live by pretty much the same rules? not judging, or having a go or anything here!! just trying to work out if he's trying to show he's farrrrr too old for his (his mind not mine!)


    To be honest age 14 was when i went off the rails and gave my mum hell, and i look back now and have NO idea why i did it, why i caused so much hell for her and i feel bad for it, but at the time i was just one angry child

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Redcliffe, WA
    Posts
    89

    Default

    I feel for you, really dooooo! (and TBH your scaring me as to whats to come)

    I have 2 boys, one nearly 6 & and the other is 7 and my god the fighting!! One second they are best of mates then I am pulling them off each other like a couple of fighting dogs!

    My 7 year old is a little horror! So bad that 2 weeks ago i told him if his teacher asked to speak to me once more this year I would go to school with him, sit next to him in class and keep him in class at recess to do reading.... Guess he didn't believe me, 2 days after the threat I found myself back at school attending year 1. He learnt his lesson.... for one bloody day!

    Our deal now, reward charts, seems to be going well so far, 7 day chart, gain stickers for good behavior, lose stickers for bad behavior at the end of the 7 days they get a treat, choose an outing, a small toy etc etc. And the Christmas gift countdown, they both have $200 for Christmas presents, each time they are naughty they loose $10.

    Billee (5) now has $170
    Cody (7) now has $110 <---- started this only 3 days ago!!

    They have NO toys left, I have removed ALL of them as punishment one by one for bad behavior, they are also working on earning those back.

    Give me a dog any day... boys are Difficult!!!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    297

    Default

    Our deal now, reward charts, seems to be going well so far, 7 day chart, gain stickers for good behavior, lose stickers for bad behavior at the end of the 7 days they get a treat, choose an outing, a small toy etc etc. And the Christmas gift countdown, they both have $200 for Christmas presents, each time they are naughty they loose $10.

    Billee (5) now has $170
    Cody (7) now has $110 <---- started this only 3 days ago!!

    They have NO toys left, I have removed ALL of them as punishment one by one for bad behavior, they are also working on earning those back.
    Im not 'raining on your parade' or anything here hun, as i am all for reward charts thats for sure!! but be careful of taking everything away...

    My daughter is one stubborn 6 yr old and no matter what i threaten to take away she is FINE with it... The only problem is, when 'everything' is gone, they have nothing to be good for so they don't see the point in being good.

    Also having nothing to do means more boredom which leads to more fights...

    I dont think a reward chart for a 14 yr old would work though, there would have to be something pretty bloody big at the end of it to make them not throw it at you lol

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    5,967

    Default

    Here goes.
    De and I really could not stand each other while living at home. Nothing mum tried worked, we were chalk and cheese. I, manly, gave her every grey hair. The situation changed with age and proximity. Fast forward to moving out of home and then the situation changed totally. She is now the one who I call first for anything and vice versa, even at 3 in the morning.

    I had hell with my two sons too, some things worked for a time, others did not. They are now not especially close as one has too many problems with anger management etc.

    Try everything that you may think that works. Anything that can bring some peace is good.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Near Newcastle, NSW
    Posts
    4,215

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    Two boys, 9 and 14.

    Don't have to be rich, don't have to have a good home, heck, anywhere will do!!! Got a caravan out the back? A tent? Even a spare dog kennel?

    The above may be written rather tongue-in-cheek, but seriously, I am getting VERY close to it NOT being humourous!

    Separate my sons, and they truly do behave like total angels. Rarely ever have a problem with them, and are a joy to be around.
    Put them together (which unfortunately has to happen as we all live in the same house ) and they truly are becoming more of a nightmare every week.

    Husband and I are just at our wits end dealing with them, and yes, truth be told it is starting to take a huge toll on us and our marriage.

    If I had a Christmas wish it would be that I could snap my fingers and be a million miles away from them, as I feel like my sanity is going and I am a walking time-bomb ATM.

    Yes, I know many siblings don't get along, but this just seems to have escalated to a degree that I have never witnessed with anyone's children before.

    Anyone been through this? Anyone got through this?

    Hi DA...how are things?

    I have a spare 48" dog crate...interested?

    Look...we have had some BIG problems with our children. Yep...it was putting strain on our marriage too. Kids would play us up against each other...causing arguements etc

    What we found though...if we stood a united front...never waivered from each other...always backed each other up in decision...conflicts seemed to be less and less.

    What I am about to say works....it REALLY works. We were at our wits end with fighting...telling on each other etc etc etc.

    ONE word...CONSEQUENCES!

    It is important they know what the consequence will be upfront if they misbehave...fight...are naughty etc.

    Being sent to your room is in my opinion not a consequence! What do kids normally have in their rooms.........toys...XBox...Gameboys etc, so it is not a "punishment".

    We knew what our children liked the most...daughter's was internet connection and mobile phone...son's was...Xbox...mobile phone...TV etc. They were told upfront by BOTH OF US...if you fight with each other and disrespect...you will lose your internet access...then your mobile phone...then the priviledge to watch tv and so on. Of course the kids thought we were both bluffing....as we had always been doing...but this time we were "for real".

    A fight started as always...internet was shut down, so they couldn't access it...OOPS. Another fight started...and mobile phones were taken. They were told...you need to earn the right to get these things back. Of course they were nice etc...and after a couple of day...got their mobile phones back AND were told...next fight and it will be for 1 week. A fight started and off the mobile phones went again...this time for a week. This went on for a while and we called a family meeting. I said to them...is it working for you? They said...nope and I said...then stop fight, because you are NOT going to win this one!

    I said to them...it is a choice you make whether you want to be nice or not! When you have lost your precious things...you are nice to each other, but when you have them back...you are little sh*ts again.

    I then said...rules will not change...nothing in life is free...be nice and you will have your precious things...period

    Adding...DO NOT back down...do not give in! Even if hell erupts and a hissy fits start...DO NOT give in. Stand your ground...calmly...united and in control. Take a deep breath...go and cream into your pillow so they can't hear you...do not waiver from your principles and rules
    Last edited by Cleasanta; 12-08-2009 at 09:53 AM.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    1,428

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jodz View Post
    To be honest age 14 was when i went off the rails and gave my mum hell, and i look back now and have NO idea why i did it, why i caused so much hell for her and i feel bad for it, but at the time i was just one angry child
    I was exactly the same Jodz.....I now regret everything I put my mum through!

    I really have no idea why I put her through hell, I was just angry.

    I took drugs, drank too much, was a bad kid at school (when I went to school) hung round with the wrong sort of people, would argue about anything and everything, wouldn't come home for days...........the list goes on!

    I hope things get better for you DA

    I started thinking about what I was doing when I was about 17 and then I really pulled my head out of my arse and started working hard to prove my mum I was a good kid.

    In the end I passed year 12 with flying colours and I now speak to my mum every day and visit her often!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Devonport, Tasmania
    Posts
    6,675

    Default

    Thanks everyone. You have all helped me to feel better, and at least I don't feel like an alien dealing with this stuff after seeing others have fighting kids too!

    You know Jodz, there is one thing that could be at the bottom of it, spurring my eldest on. He was until a few months ago one of Tasmania's best basketball players. Intertown and state level, about to receive a scholorship via Institute of Sport etc.
    Then both shoulders "blew', and he now has to have reconstructive surgery on both of them. This puts him out of the Nationals for the next 12-24 months. A VERY big blow for him.
    prior to that he was training nearly every day of the week, so I guess he had no energy left to fight with the younger one! LOL.
    If I think back, this is possibly when it really started to esculate out of control.
    Perhaps another issue coming into it is that he is simply pushing the boundaries with everything. IE: We are strict. No manners, he gets nothing. No please or thank you, we will not even acknowledge his requests. He is not allowed to wander the streets playing, and we expect to know where he is and what he is doing all the time. He is not allowed to watch the filthy movies others kids at school do, not is he allowed to play any x-box games etc that we feel are unsuitable, reagrdless of whether the rest of the bloody school kids get are allowed to. YOU GET MY DRIFT?
    So perhaps it's a combination of those things, together with the fact he honestly just doesn't like his brother. *sigh*

  10. #20
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,561

    Default

    I have two daughters (now adults) who adored each other when they were young. They would bring tears to your eyes they were so incredibly sweet and generous and loving to each other. They are close in ages (21mths) and I often had people think they were twins they were so in tune and nice.

    Fast forward a few years when the eldest was about 13 and they began to fight - and I mean fight. Screaming banshee type fights! They could not do a thing together without having a huge argument and riding each other. The battle field was painful to live with.

    I was devastated and could not understand how my adorable and sweet little girls could develop this raging war. They were insanely jealous of each other and became very competitive. I refuse to play to their jealousy.

    Eventually, when the eldest was just finished high school, she decided that she could no longer live in the same house with her sister and she moved to her father's. In some ways, this was a relief as she and I had also lost our closeness and she was going through a difficult and stubborn stage but I was also desperately unhappy that their fighting made her want to leave me.

    Remarkably, they still managed to fight over the phone and whenever they were together.

    Fast forward a few more years (they are now 22 and 20) and the fights have just begun to slow down considerably. They have even have started to go out together here and there and, while they still bicker, they don't seem to fight with the venom they once did. *phew* We made it through another growing up session with children!!

    DA - Hang in there, keep looking at the light at the end of the tunnel.

    My two I believe started the battles due to several factors;
    - puberty
    - the separation of their father and mother
    - the death of both grandparents

    Their world was changing and I guess they were scared of becomng lost in that world. They each seem to think the best strategy was to be the most loved and they became competitive and jealous of each other.
    A pessimist sees the glass as half empty;
    An optimist sees the glass as half full;
    A realist just finishes the damn thing and refills it.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •