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  1. #541
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    Quote Originally Posted by GSDs4Ever View Post
    Oh well. Wadda ya gonna do ?? He's always been pretty irresponsible when it comes to the finances as it turns out. I've been too sick over the last 10 years to be involved, so I just trusted him to budget & pay the bills. He just kept borrowing more money & we nearly lost the house this time last year. And it's in my name only as I already owned it (with the bank) when we got together. It was enough of a jolt for me to "snap to", get on board with how much debt we had, get a plan together & start paying things off. I've really turned us around in the last 12 months to where we could breathe a little easier that we wouldn't lose the house & I paid off a huge loan he took out for Zena's hospital stay.

    Sure he got a payout when he just got retrenched, but without any income other than what the treats pull, I'm not prepared to spend a single cent on stuff that we could do without. He felt a "bit of a splurge" at Christmas time was perfectly reasonable. I got kicked out of home when I was 15. When you have to fill up on water when you're hungry so you can pay your rent, you learn what's a "need" or a "want" pretty quickly. He's always had a roof over his head & food in his stomach.

    What started it yesterday was him staying "What are you worried about ? I believe I'll get a job in the NY. Just relax. It's only money." I said "Yeah & I believe I'll be 8 stone again & will win Tattslotto. Just because you believe something, doesn't mean it will happen when you think it will." And it went from there ...
    I never had much either growing up...my Mum wouldn't pay her bills and we would get kicked out of our apartments etc. I went to 9 different schools, so I know exactly what you are talking about.

    I do hope that 2010 will bring some good times for you work wise and personal wise...hugs

  2. #542

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleasanta View Post
    I never had much either growing up...my Mum wouldn't pay her bills and we would get kicked out of our apartments etc. I went to 9 different schools, so I know exactly what you are talking about.

    I do hope that 2010 will bring some good times for you work wise and personal wise...hugs
    Thanks Clea. This thread has been my absolute sanity & mental support through all of this and other recent problems I've had. I can't begin to thank you all enough for all your hugs & kind wishes. You've really held things together for me in ways you can't begin to imagine. I have no family to speak of & I lack self confidence, so with all your help & support I'm coping a heck of a lot better than I normally would.

  3. #543
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    **** GSD's. Just read all this!

    Rob needs to wake up and be a man. And by that I mean the old-feshioned terminology of 'a man.'

    One able to financially support his family, and in times when that becomes difficult or impossible, he needs to learn to tighten the belt. Really tight!
    Actually his behaviour ****s me off to no end and I simply could not and would not tolerate it, I'm sorry.
    I hope you speak to him at length and I pray he comprehends his reality.

    Hugs to you, my friend. What a bitch of a day you had! Pfffttt, men!

    I really do see why some ppl prefer the intelligence, company and loyalty of dogs compared to humans. I'm probably one of them. lol.

  4. #544

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    **** GSD's. Just read all this!

    Rob needs to wake up and be a man. And by that I mean the old-feshioned terminology of 'a man.'

    One able to financially support his family, and in times when that becomes difficult or impossible, he needs to learn to tighten the belt. Really tight!
    Actually his behaviour ****s me off to no end and I simply could not and would not tolerate it, I'm sorry.
    I hope you speak to him at length and I pray he comprehends his reality.

    Hugs to you, my friend. What a bitch of a day you had! Pfffttt, men!

    I really do see why some ppl prefer the intelligence, company and loyalty of dogs compared to humans. I'm probably one of them. lol.
    Sweetie, you & I are psychic Siamese twins joined at the cosmic hip on this type of thing.

    That's the problem DA. He's a 42 YO little boy who walks around with his bottom lip scraping on the floor when I front him with the financial facts of life. His justification for spending the cash I just got from selling the treats that very morning ?? "I was just trying to make your Christmas special because of how horrible all your Christmas'es had been up 'til you met me." You can imagine what I had to say to THAT little piece of emotional blackmail ...

    He's off making pizzas now, but before he left, I had a little "chat" with him. He's got 12 months to demonstrate that he takes his financial responsibilities seriously or that's the end of the relationship. He's had 17 years of marriage to get his act together & I've had enough. I've never mentioned separation in all this time, no matter how many times he's stuffed things up & I've always sorted them out.

    I've explained that being fiscally immature & irresponsible is a "deal breaker" for me. I've said he's a terrific bloke & I like him as a person, but I just can't live in an unstable financial situation any longer. I trusted him with the finances when I was sick & through lack of basic budgeting skills, he almost made us homeless last year. We were $1000 off losing the house when I "woke up" & took back control.

    I don't believe in changing people & it's most likely that he's unable to understand the gravity of the situation & how it affects me both personally & financially. He runs his life in constant chaos, only doing something about a situation when it threatens his current way of life. He can go down financially, but he ain't takin' me with him from this day forward M'Dear. I'm responsible for the care & welfare of 3 dogs & a cat. As far as I'm concerned, I'm their Mother & they're my children. I'll eat vegemite sandwiches & rice if it means keeping a roof over our heads & decent food in their stomachs ... no if, buts or maybes.

    Also, I'm very pissed off with myself ATM with the realisation finally that I've married my Father from a financial aspect. He was shocking with money. My Mother might have hated us & wished we weren't in her life on a daily basis, but she always had some sort of food on the table to fill our bellies.

  5. #545
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    Oh ****, why do some men expect we have any need or desire to carry their baggage around on our backs?

    You can't help who you love, but you can decide whether that love is good for you - or not.

    My first husband was very much like what you have explained with Rob's actions here, so I can relate. When my eldest son and I had our Christmas at a Church because we couldn't even afford a chicken sandwich because he'd taken every cent and thought it would just duplicate itself or something on the ****ing mango tree...I realised put love aside, survival (mentally and financially) comes first.

    I seriously hope Rob understands the gravity of all this. The sad part is if he doesn't he may not even be astute enough to ever comprehend what he has lost.

  6. #546
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    With every day bills and living expenses these days, retrenchment payouts don't last for long IMO. It's amazing how quick it all disappears, no matter how great the sum, and that's even using it all ONLY for absolute dire 'needs', not silly 'wants.'

  7. #547

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    Oh ****, why do some men expect we have any need or desire to carry their baggage around on our backs?

    You can't help who you love, but you can decide whether that love is good for you - or not.

    My first husband was very much like what you have explained with Rob's actions here, so I can relate. When my eldest son and I had our Christmas at a Church because we couldn't even afford a chicken sandwich because he'd taken every cent and thought it would just duplicate itself or something on the ****ing mango tree...I realised put love aside, survival (mentally and financially) comes first.

    I seriously hope Rob understands the gravity of all this. The sad part is if he doesn't he may not even be astute enough to ever comprehend what he has lost.
    I don't know DA, but I allowed it to happen, so I bear some responsibility for position I now find myself in.

    Rob's attitude is very much that of the "mango tree" description you've given I'm afraid. I've clearly learned nothing from my last relationship I have to admit. That boyfriend conned me out of every cent I had including my Super & my Grandmother's inheritance that took me 3 years in the Supreme Court to gain.

    And here's the "kicker". Rob & I met at work when I was still in a relationship with this "nere do well". He came my friend & was outraged at how I was being treated, especially in the financial area. I was living with the guy, was paying all the bills & at the end of the fortnight, had $40 to live on. When I finally decided to leave, Rob helped me pack & was a terrific support. I never thought it would turn out like this all over again, but apparently it has. I'm kicking myself for being so stupid DA.

  8. #548

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    With every day bills and living expenses these days, retrenchment payouts don't last for long IMO. It's amazing how quick it all disappears, no matter how great the sum, and that's even using it all ONLY for absolute dire 'needs', not silly 'wants.'
    It will last a year tops at the rate he likes to "live". I told him that the second it all got worked out & he made all the right "noises" about saving every bit of it. Someone will be reading this & going "How frigging gullible IS this woman ??" And frankly .... I wouldn't blame them.

  9. #549
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    It's not gullible, GSD's - it's a mixture of love, hope and desperation that he will get things right for once. Sigh.
    But I believe you are wise enough to recognise your own self-protection and set things in place for yourself and your animals, just in case he doesn't get it right this last chance.

  10. #550

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil's Advocate View Post
    It's not gullible, GSD's - it's a mixture of love, hope and desperation that he will get things right for once. Sigh.
    But I believe you are wise enough to recognise your own self-protection and set things in place for yourself and your animals, just in case he doesn't get it right this last chance.
    I'm certainly pissed off with myself that I'm in the exactly the same crap I was in 20 years ago. If this falls apart, I won't be having another relationship. I wouldn't trust myself not to chose another loser.

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