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Thread: Has anyone ever not bonded to a dog?

  1. #1

    Default Has anyone ever not bonded to a dog?

    I have been really scared to post this question because I'm pretty sure people will think I'm a bad person but I am just really confused and don't know what to do because my puppy is now over 5 months old and I still feel nothing towards her. I love Sammy more than words could ever express, kiss and hug him every day and miss him but I never even have the urge to even pat my other dog. I try to be fair with affection, invite her onto the couch sometimes without Sammy and yet I don't enjoy it - internally I am just timing it so that she feels like it's fair and I know exactly when I can feel ok about having Sammy up instead. She is trained, she gets all the same food as Sammy but I don't love her - can a dog be satisfied with just food and shelter? If I'm honest, I don't think I even really like her. I feel about her the way I feel about other people's dogs - it's like it doesn't feel like she's mine and part of my family the way Sammy is. I have never had this happen before - I have loved rabbits, cats, mice, rats, even goldfish! And there's nothing wrong with her - she was easy to house-train (unlike Sammy), she's a very easy puppy, very pretty, good eater - none of Sammy's frustrating idiosyncrasies and yet there's just nothing there, no connection, no bond - if she disappeared tomorrow I don't think I'd feel anything except worried about Sammy because she's great company for him whilst I'm at work.

    God on the one hand I feel terrible that I feel this way and think I should have just kept it to myself, but on the other it feels so good to finally get it out.

    Has this happened to anyone else? What can I do to fix it?

  2. #2
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    Welllllllllll, I will get shot down with you. I have had a dog, it was a working kelpie. An awesome dog, he worked well , he was obedient and he listened so well and easy to train. And guess what I liked him , he was an indoor dog too. He went everywhere with us. And we had him for sixteen years. But I never had a connection to him. Like I said I liked him. My Abbey, our newfie girl adored him and as a Joke we always said he was her dog. he used to be with us, but with her. We also had another kelpie, who was my hubby's shadow at the same time. My hubby took those kelpies everywhere, to every Horse Clinic he put on and to every event we went to. He was never left and never missed out on anything.........But there was no connection, I felt awful too, he was never naughty and so easy to have around. BUT........I never realised how much I actually did like him and miss him, when he quietly passed away. he even did that in a polite manner, just going to sleep and not waking. We both missed him......And Annabelle (our other newfie girl)was devastated too.

    I think you should just enjoy the fact that your dog is obedient and well mannered....And you might be surprised how much you really like her. She is most likely living in the shadow of your other more demanding dog. I think that is what happened with our little Nugget.

    The only suggestion...Do more with your dog, have fun in fun places
    Pets are forever

  3. #3
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    Why do people think that they must bond with any pet, child, in law etc?
    Truth is it happens. It is no fault of anyone's. As long as you do the right thing by them then there is no problem. If there is a problem then rehoming is a good idea so the pet can be in a possibly better home.

    Took me 9 months to have any kind of bond with one of my sons. Rehoming him was not an option. All came good though.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

  4. #4
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    I picked up on this in a previous post of yours and thought it a little wierd but i wouldnt say your a bad person for it.

    When i first got Mojo i was very excited about getting another dog but then i got a case of the guilts as i was replacing my best mate of 14 years, 'Scooby' the Ridgeback.
    They where 2 totally diffrent dogs....Scooby would kiss me if i put my face anywhere near his. Mojo will have a good sniff but never gives kisses or licks. Mojo is obsessed with my daughter, Scooby was my shadow and would only listen to my commands, never anyone else's. It was a really strange feeling but i did and do have very strong feelings for Mojo.

    The moment i realised i was been silly for comparing them and needed to move on and get over feeling guilty my bond with Mojo increased dramatically and we now share avery special relationship.

    Are you concerned Sammy would get jealous if you showed more attention to the other dog (come on tell us her name !!). Is Sammy a older dog you've had for ages ?

    Have you ever had 2 friends that didnt like each other ?? It sucks and i'm sure Sammy would pick up on your vibe. If he's anything like me he'd appreciate his 2 friends getting along great and having a team of 3.
    Not sure if that helps or even makes sense but i feel sorry for you guys and i hope things work out for the best. Good luck


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  5. #5
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    I think I have only ever had that with a cat, but I've only had two dogs myself and not at the same time.

    I don't think it would affect your dog as much as you might think because she isn't used to anything else. If she feels like just a burden to you, you might need to consider rehoming her. But if you are fine with the situation as it is, I would just continue doing what you are doing. Though maybe there are some things you could do with her to try strengthen the bond, I don't know.

    Good on you for being honest about it though. It's a hard thing to admit on a dog lovers forum.

  6. #6

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    I have written and deleted this post like 10 times :s Her name is Zoe - poor thing I always forget to tell people about her and I don't even think to mention her name Maybe I do worry about Sammy, I guess I worry that she could change our relationship and sometimes I guess I feel like she prevents me from being able to do everything I want to do with Sammy. Maybe I'm just not a 2 dog person - does that happen where some people can only love one? I don't really understand it because I have always had more than one pet, and I used to always love to have them all together. I loved them for their differences and the special time I had with each. There is no special time with Zoe though - if I have spare time that I can spend with pets well I feel like it's wasted if it's not with Sammy. Sometimes I force myself to spend alone time with Zoe but then during and afterwards I just feel guilty for Sammy because he's missed out and I know he actually wants to spend time with me whereas Zoe doesn't seem to care who she's with so long as she's not alone. I've never loved any pet as much as I love Sammy and on that note, I've never felt so indifferent towards a pet as Zoe. With all my other pets, I've always been excited about what I could find in the next generation - like I loved them but the thought of a new puppy or kitten was still exciting. But with Sammy, I don't want any other dogs. If he passed away I don't know what I'd do because I really just don't see dogs the same way anymore, it's like there's Sammy and then there's all the others and I don't want a dog anymore, I want Sammy. Maybe that's the problem. I don't know how I formed such a strong relationship with Sammy, I'd had dogs before and it wasn't like this but to me he just seems really special.

    She's not a burden and I don't dislike her. I thought Sammy would stay my favourite, but that I'd like her too (I used to have favourites when I had rats but I liked everyone). But no bond is developing. I'm happy to keep her because I think she's good for Sammy but is that cruelty? She has all the best food, vet care, bedding etc just not really any love

  7. #7
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    Sammy is obviously your Heart-dog......
    Pets are forever

  8. #8
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    I get where youa re coming from. I'm an animal-person. Strays come to me. Literally, they will come and sit at my front door waiting for me to find them and help them get home (has happened more than once!) - dogs, cats, doesn't matter. I'm the one the horses at the show would come to (from back in the day when you were allowed to walk through the stalls).

    I think because they know that I adore them... BUT, my Mum's dog... well, whilst I don't dislike her, I don't actively like her either, and I have never, ever, ever had that reaction to an animal in my life before. It's unsettling, especially when you know you are a dog person, and in fact do actively give your heart to another doglet... just not this one.

    Be kind to both yourself and Zoe. Don't beat yourself up, but by the same token, please go out of your way to be nice to Zoe - because she knows that she's an outsider looking in, she can feel the energy differences between her and Sammy coming from you. (I need to take my own advice!)

    I think just open your heart to the possibility that you and she will only ever be good acquaintances, and accept the love that she will give you without the expectation that you love her equally in return. You're not a bad person, and Zoe is not a bad dog, just be gentle and above all, kind, and I think you may be pleasantly surprised by how you may just mellow around her.

  9. #9

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    I think perhaps people have misunderstood. I am not made uncomfortable by her presence nor do I dislike her. In fact I'm so mellow about her that I forget I have a second dog on occasion. I think maybe though there might be more to it. I was just trying to include her in the other thread about what does your dog like most, and I realised, Sammy and I like all the same things. I have always loved exploring and bushwalking and Sammy makes me feel safer when I do that, plus his enthusiasm is infectious. Sammy loves chasing things and to be honest, I guess you would say that I have very high play drive. Like I'm 25 and female, and I still get really excited about the idea of playing a game with people. Zoe does not. She doesn't chase things, she doesn't chase me, she doesn't like walks and the only things I can think of that she does like are food, car trips, destroying things and escaping. Oh and digging. They're all kind of solo activities. She ignores toys that I throw or try to engage her with, the only time she shows any interest in a toy is when Sammy wants it and then she will parade around with it. Sammy didn't need a lead from day 1, he has never wandered off even if he's chasing a rabbit - he comes back when he thinks he's getting too far away. I can't have Zoe off-lead at all, even in big parks because she just doesn't come back. She disappears off on her own and she just ignores our calls. She's not really interested in anything we have to offer, unless we have food whereas Sammy will work for nothing.
    And you know Sammy has his problems. He's cheeky, he will talk back if you let him and he's always after the top spot - he has a sense of entitlement like you've never seen. But it's like I just know that he loves me and he doesn't want any other owner - he doesn't even listen to other people. When Zoe was younger and I called her, she went to the nearest human, didn't even know which one was me. Now she just doesn't come at all.

    I try to be nice to her, invest in her, take her for walks by herself and train her. But it's no fun when she's dragging on the lead, training is all but hopeless because she seems to have a different sort of intelligence from Sammy that I just don't know how to tap into. For example, she can escape from anything whereas if Sammy sees something that looks like a deterrent he's stuck unless you call him over. But Sammy learns words without being taught - he always has. Zoe doesn't seem to get anything even with 100 repetitions. Sammy gets tones and most of the time I don't have to say anything at all. Getting Zoe to even pay attention is near impossible. If I have food she's overwhelmed and can't concentrate. If I don't have food, I don't exist.

    Ugh sorry massive vent but it just feels so good to get it all out. I have just been ignoring it and pretending everything is fine when in reality I am really struggling with this dog. And the escaping part, destroying my housemates washing, digging up all my plants - that's not helping :s

  10. #10
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    HI Bottles. Yes, yes, yes! I have had 2 dogs that have been my soul mates, 2 dogs that have been quite nice pets, but meant little to me. 4 in total.
    I now have Bernie, who is my soul mate, and a adorable rottie x, but whilst i like her, show her affection, it is definately not the same as Bernie. She's pet stock not working stock, and dull really in comparision. But she's Bernie's wife. His dog, not mine. So im ok with that. I can think of her like the best kong i ever bought Bernie! He loves her to pieces, they spoon together at night. and he can round her up all day long, she never tires of him rounding her up and visa versa. She is his wife, his kong, his 2nd best friend. That'll do.
    My husband, doesnt really get a look in with Bernie, and he loves Pohm to bits. So its even in the end.

    But i have trained Pohm to enjoy 'joint' games with humans, something she was not naturally drawn to. Now she's interacting more, she's more enjoyable, but still doesnt cut it against Bernie.

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