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Thread: Has anyone ever not bonded to a dog?

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by tessalyon View Post
    I'm also not worried about there reaction to the baby but I know Tessa will be super gealous and have her nose right out of joint.
    Not necessarily.
    The dog I had over 30 years ago when my first son was born was always with me, I thought would be super jealous etc.
    When I brought the baby back from hospital hubby held him while I gave great attention to the dog and then took the baby in my arms and allowed the dog to lick the crown of bub's head.
    Dog from that moment on bonded to us both. I made sure that nothing changed in the way the dog was treated, time outside/inside etc.
    You may be very well surprised.

    Any changes to routine etc that you think may happen...implement them now.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

  2. #22

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    I have a similar issue 99bottles (and in all honesty I think it is a pretty common thing). But mine happened a bit different. I have 2 dog Keira my 4.5 yo and Phi my 18 month old. Phoenix is my heart dog, so after bringing her home things changed, as much as I love Keira, I don't feel the bond with her that I feel with Phi. It feels terrible to love the younger dog more but I can't help it. I walk Keira and train her and spend time with her but like you I feel like I am wasting valuable time that could be spent with Phi (that sounds terrible). They get the same food, vet care, inside/outside time but I do spend more time with Phi and she does go more places then Keira (although that partly comes down to the fact Keira doesn't like other dogs and is reactive when around them so I have to pick and choose places carefully for her to go). AS I said I love Keira, and I dread anything bad happening to her, I worry about her health (she has bad hips and arthritis) and will put as much money as necessary into making her comfortable for the rest of her years but Phi is my heart dog and I have no intention of getting a 2nd dog once Keira has passed, I want to be able to dedicate my time to Phoenix after that and I don't want to get another dog and find that I don't bond to it. I will probably foster but that is it.
    I think some people are just 1 dog people, I am one of those, I doubt I will ever have 2 dogs again, especially not while I am single. I think if your in a relationship and 1 dog is "yours" and one dog is your partners, then it makes it easier, because both dogs have the opportunity to have that special bond with a person.
    Don't feel bad, you can't help how you feel, it is part of being human.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    Gippsland, Victoria
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    When I bought Flirtt it was very much with the knowledge that she was only the second female pet I had ever owned and the first was an Irish Wolfhound bitch that I never bonded with at all and who eventually became my ex-partner's dog. Being female was also an issue. But I wanted a companion for Villain, and I wanted to change the 'pack/family' structure at home.

    So I bought Flirtt largely as a toy for Villain and I worried if we would bond.

    And it didn't happen overnight. She is very, very different to Villi. I nearly sent her back half a dozen times. But then I set my mind to getting to know who she was though training, games and time spent together. It may not have happened overnight, but neither did it take ages.... And she has now become 'my girl' as much as he is 'my boy'.

    But I don't think that we will bond with every animal, and I don't think we are terrible people if we don't bond with every animal. I think we just have to be sensitive and open minded when considering what then is best for the animal in question.

  4. #24

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    Thank you so much everyone who has replied to this thread - I feel like I have been carrying a guilty secret for months and I feel so much lighter just knowing that I'm not alone and you guys haven't reacted with hatred (like I half feared you would). I also love hearing the stories of the dog's you have loved and how you have made the most of situations that weren't on the surface perfect.

    I am too scared to re-home her because that would mean admitting failure and plus, she is so perfect for Sammy. But I do sometimes daydream about it. To clarify though, she never pulls on the lead, she drags behind. She doesn't want to go for a walk. If you let her off she's happy, but then she just runs away and it's too dangerous to have a dog with 0 recall off-lead. The other day I took her and Sammy for a bush walk. Well she ran off so I had to get Sammy to track her and lucky he's a good tracker and knew what I wanted because when we found her she was drowning in a river!

    I know it's bad, but I keep remembering everything Sammy could do at that age. And she is so far behind. I don't think she will ever catch up - she's just not that sort of dog and that's fine, but it's just making it so hard to connect. I love the fact that since Sammy was about one, I can almost have a conversation with him - of course he knows the usual words like bath time etc, but the other day for example, I said to him, geez you have become stinky. I was thinking damn this dog needs a wash so I can hug him in nice clothes again, and what did he do? Lowered his tail and walked into the bathroom (where we wash the dogs). He knows what a road is - you can say on the road, off the road. He pees on my neighbour's bin when I'm angry with my neighbour (damn neighbour keeps throwing his cigarettes over the fence). He speaks english these days and he just thinks like I do. Or people arrive at the house and Sammy watches me closely. All I have to do is put a scared look on my face and Sammy will make them go away - he can put on an impressive display when the occasion calls for it. Or if I smile he wags his tail. And every time I try and talk to Zoe I am reminded of the fact that she's just a dog and she will never develop what Sammy has.

    I was in a good frame of mind when I got her I think. I had just returned from holidaying with my family in Sydney (Sammy came of course) and I had been thinking about her over the holiday. I had always admired ridgebacks and of course there is no better breed than the doberman so she seemed ideal. My partner wanted a hound type dog and he loves red dogs - visla's and ridgebacks etc. I work long hours but he works crazy hours as a lawyer and so I am left to do all the training and really you would say I have 2 dogs. It's probably my fault. Looking up ridgebacks, it seems they are a more independent breed and certainly not as trainable as dobermans. I rescued Zoe and thought I was doing a good deed but maybe she would have been better off without me

  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Di_dee1 View Post
    Not necessarily.
    The dog I had over 30 years ago when my first son was born was always with me, I thought would be super jealous etc.
    When I brought the baby back from hospital hubby held him while I gave great attention to the dog and then took the baby in my arms and allowed the dog to lick the crown of bub's head.
    Dog from that moment on bonded to us both. I made sure that nothing changed in the way the dog was treated, time outside/inside etc.


    You may be very well surprised.

    Any changes to routine etc that you think may happen...implement them now.
    I know Tessa doesn't like kids at the best of times but I know being so small and old that even if she does have a problem it won't be difficult to manage. I will do everything I can to introduce them properly. There will be big changes for Tessa happening soon. We are trying to finish renovating what we can of our house before baby comes and that will include new carpet. With Tessa having accidents overnight and while we are at work she won't be invited down the bedroom end of the house - now she sleeps beside my bed. I've already moved her bed out to the lounge and just left an old jumper in the bedroom for her to sleep on and some nights she stays in lounge so when the carpet is done she will have to stay out in the lounge/ dining/ kitchen. She has already ruined our floating floorboards but we will leave them until a letter date to replace
    Sorry hijacked thread

  6. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by tessalyon View Post
    I know Tessa doesn't like kids at the best of times but I know being so small and old that even if she does have a problem it won't be difficult to manage. I will do everything I can to introduce them properly. There will be big changes for Tessa happening soon. We are trying to finish renovating what we can of our house before baby comes and that will include new carpet. With Tessa having accidents overnight and while we are at work she won't be invited down the bedroom end of the house - now she sleeps beside my bed. I've already moved her bed out to the lounge and just left an old jumper in the bedroom for her to sleep on and some nights she stays in lounge so when the carpet is done she will have to stay out in the lounge/ dining/ kitchen. She has already ruined our floating floorboards but we will leave them until a letter date to replace
    Sorry hijacked thread
    I just re-read your other post, is your dog 27 years old??

  7. #27

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    No must have wrote it wrong I'm 27 lol got her when I was 11. She is 16.

  8. #28

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    Ridgies are hounds and as such completely different dogs to breeds like dobes.

    I have a hound and when we first got her she was so much hard work and had such little pack drive and was very independent, that I didn't only fail to feel a bond with her, I had times where I didn't even like her. She was so much hard work I never found a way to enjoy her.

    From your post it sounds like she's not very well trained and having a dog like that can make it harder to like them. I am very close to my hound now (though she's still the same dog obviously) and I got into dog training because I had to train her otherwise I simply couldn't live with her. But the more training we did the more I enjoyed her. Seeing her light up and want to work with me and teaching her new things really helped to strengthen our bond. You might find the same thing with your dog.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    99 that must feel awful to feel that way...if that makes sense.

    I kind of know what you mean but to a much lesser degree. I have Barney who is 7 and Pippi who is 2 and a half. And Pippi is my baby. Dont get me wrong, I adore Barney and love him to bits. But there is something very special with Pippi and I.

    I always feel bad coz I always thought Chevy was going to be my super special girl (she was my first dog out of home - I was 17 when I got her) and then I met Pippi. For the first 2 days she was glued to my OH and then like someone threw a light switch she was mine. I try very hard not to play favourites as I do love Barney very much though sometimes I get anoyed when I want to play with Pippi and Barney wont let me LOL. And he often gets a lot of one on one playing/cuddles becaus he is not small so isnt allowed on laps.

    Its not really the same though as I have still bonded with both my guys.

    However, we had a pitty/whippet mix ages age agso and my OH never bonded with him and in fact hated him. Despite the fact he was the one who chose him as a pup.

  10. #30

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    I wouldn't worry about 99bottles. Your obviously a kind loving person. I bet Zoe is happy, she's just wired differently from Sammy. I did't bond with Moses for about 8 months, or maybe longer. I was kind to him, I looked after him and tried give him love but there was just no connection. He's so different from my crazy kelpies that passed away. Sammy sounds so much like my kelpies and Zoe sounds so much like my Moses. Now, I can appreciate what a really cool dog Moses is. I love him to bits and the bond could not be stronger. I bet in time you will start to connect to the beautiful subtleties that make up Zoe. Besides, if Zoe was feeling needy, she'd let you know.

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