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Thread: Has anyone ever not bonded to a dog?

  1. #11
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    Going out on a limb here. I wonder what sort of space you were in when you got the dog?
    Reason being, and if you think you feel bad not bonding to a dog, cop a load of this....
    When i had my 3rd child, i was not in a good space. Unplanned pregnancy at the end of a shite relationship scenario. I got post natal depression. I did not bond with my child. Now 17 yrs on, i can say, i still have not bonded with this child in the same way i did with the others. Hence why i ask, what sort of space were you in when you got the dog?

  2. #12

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    I got Tessa at 11 years old (now 27) and she has always been my dog. We have a bond I know I will never have with anything else. That scares me a bit cos I'm pregnant ATM. My OH jokes that I love her more than him and of course I say oh don't be silly but inside I'm like well yer I do. Tessa spends 99% of her time inside the house if she is outside for longer than it takes to pee she barks her head off (that has been happening for years. Used to leave the back door wide open while at work so she could come and go as she liked ) Tessa gets what she wants when she wants it. She goes away with us and goes visiting my mum and nan etc. then I have Harley and lily who are my 2 beautiful Rottweilers who spend there time outside. They came in last night after a bath but havnt for ages cos they stink and drop so much hair. I love them to bits and would never rehome them or anything, would be devistated if anything happened to them. But they are my DOGS. We purposely got two because we knew they would be outside dogs and didn't want to make it unfair one being outside alone and Tessa inside. they are never gealous of Tessa and play with her when she goes out for her 5 minutes a day lol.
    I'm also not worried about there reaction to the baby but I know Tessa will be super gealous and have her nose right out of joint.

    I think some others are right when u have a dog that's like your soul mate. But it doesn't mean u don't love ur other dog. I'm sure if something happened to her u would defiantly see home much u do truly love her.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    I think it's ok to accept that Zoe will never have the same place in your heart as Sammy. But it does sound to me like you have kind of given up on making her an enjoyable pet. I hate always having a dog on the lead. Even if they don't pull. Walks for me mean letting the dog run around, explore, play, chase birds or whatever makes their tail wag. Which is what you enjoy about Sammy too. I also just cannot stand being ignored by my dog. I have to make a real effort to supress my anger when that happens. "Nobody puts baby in the corner"

    So I think if I were you, I would make training Zoe your project. Find out what makes her tick, don't rest until she stops pulling on the leash and has a fairly reliable recall. You don't even have to do it for her, but I think you do have to do it for you because if that were me in that situation, I would worry about starting to actually resent the dog.

    And IMO training with food does not mean that the dog won't do anything for you without food. It is just an enforcer. It tells them exactly what it is you expect from them when pats or praise might not really register with them. It is pretty straight forward conditioning and eventually you phase out the food and they will keep doing it. It is just one training method and if it works for Zoe, why not try use that to your advantage? And at least you will end up with a dog that is easy to care for, even if you will never have deep feelings for her.

    Just my 2c.

  4. #14

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    I'm a firm believer in every person, and every dog, having their own personality. Sometimes those personalities gel together perfectly, and sometimes they don't.

    I'm also a firm believer in accepting that happens sometimes, and that it's not always in the best interests of those two personalities to stay together. Yes t might be ok, it might be not a bad thing, just not a great thing. Bt what if that dog is missing out on their great thing by sticking around?

    I don't understand why it is so very accepted in the horse world that some animal/human partnerships are just nt the best match, yet in dog circles it's all about making more effort, trying to force the issue.

    I'm not remotely saying folks who don't have a great connection with their dog should just get rid of them. But I do think they need to stay open minded to the possibility of a better option for that dog if that option presents itself. And also they shouldn't feel bad for seeking something better if they want to.

  5. #15
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    Aug 2011
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    Good point, Nat... Though it's more complicated if the two dogs have bonded?

  6. #16

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    It is yes, but people shouldn't think they've failed in any way, or that that there may not be something better for the dog.

    Sometimes dogs are really close, and sometimes they're just mates because they're there.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Logan, Brisbane QLD
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    When my mum got Rex i couldn't stand him. He had so many issues that it turned me right off him, to me he was an embarrassment. I had this perfect well rounded dog that i would parade at the off-lead park & now all of a sudden i had this other thing tagging along with me that wouldn't listen & was determined to fight any dog in sight. For the first three months i refused to take him anywhere with the other two and would walk him alone because i had to - he was a chore.

    Then something just clicked. I saw how awesome him & molly were together & how they were truly best mates. I started to work with him on his dog aggression issues & i put a lot of hard work into 'cleaning him up' so to speak & by doing so i got to see who he really was, found out the things that made him tick & started to see the great bits of his character - he is not the smartest cookie & he definitely has his moments but i know that when it comes down to it he will protect me, molly, the cats & his home to the death & i've come to really love him. For us at the start the bond was not there & is nowhere near as strong as my bond is with molly. I come home from work and both Molly & Rex will run to the front door - but i always greet Molly first and i almost forget about saying hello to Rex, i rarely make any alone time with him but i will always make sure i make some with Molly, i pat him because i feel i have to, but i have grown to admire him & i love him a little more each day although i know i will never feel the way about him as i do Molly & that's okay! He's still a happy boy & he still has a smile on his face. If i knew he wasn't happy then i would ask Mum to rehome him.

    I feel sorry for him because mum puts him second best behind her boy Benji. I have decided that when i cannot be around my mother anymore i will take him with me.

  8. #18

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    Just because someone doesn't bond with a pet or child doesn't mean that voids responsibility to them.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
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    Southern NSW
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    I must admit that i hate the way horses ar such a disposable item to some people.........My hubby trains horses for people and often we see the same person over and over again with a different horse, becuase the previous was no good or not just right. We have horses too....Some started out not right, but we stuck by ours and worked at making them right.......We have horses that we have had for 25 years plus now.
    I agree it is OK to sell some on and maybe improve ( as some experienced riders do), but just to pass along, get another pass it along and so on.........It is often the rider that is the problem and often makes the horse into a problem horse and we know where they end up eventually, dead.......
    Pets are forever

  10. #20

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    I hear you Newfs. There's a difference between a genuine lack of connection amd a lack of effort or regard.

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