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Thread: Do I Need Permission?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
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    52

    Default Do I Need Permission?

    Hello,

    I am new to the forum and just have a question about getting a dog...

    I have wanted a dog all my life. Seriously, my whole life. My parents gave me a cat instead, which I was fine with, I love cats and am now mainly a cat person. My hubby and I have 6 of them, and they are our babies.

    We also have birds and several aquariums. I love animals, and because my hubby works a lot, I am the main caregiver for all of the animals, and I also pay about 90% for everything to do with the animals, which is fine with me.

    So here comes the issue. I recently started looking into getting a dog again, it's something that pops into my head at regular intervals, but my hubby isn't keen on it so I always end up putting it on hold.

    But I want one. I have always wanted one, I am fascinated with animal training and behaviour, and I am studying to become a vet nurse. I want my very own dog to train and study and interact with.

    I told hubby this, and he seemed to entertain the idea for a few minutes, and then said no. No way, not happening. He does not want a dog.

    I then said I will pay for everything, replace anything it breaks and take full responsibility for everything ever, and will take care of all of the training. Everything, he would not have to lift a finger ever, which is how it mostly is with the other animals anyway.

    But still, the answer is no, he doesn't want a dog in the house.

    And this only a few weeks after telling me he might not ever want to have children, which I have accepted.

    So my question is, do I really need to get his permission to bring a dog into the house? We are talking a small, low maintenance breed here, which I would put a lot of effort into training to have good manners etc.

    I know it's ideal that we both agree on it, but why does he get to decide against it, and I don't get a say at all?

    I know this is kind of long, so if you made it all the way to the end, thanks

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    4,241

    Default

    Never trust a man that doesn't like dogs

    But in all seriousness, you are your own person. He doesn't own you. Being in a relationship is negotiating. I can't believe you're letting him tell you that you arn't allowed a dog, or children! He isn't your dad.

    If it was me, it would be a 'its me or the dog'. Not kidding!
    I love my dogs, I could never live without a dog in my life.
    Has he given you reasons he doesn't want one?
    Education not Legislation

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
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    Default

    Yeah, I know he's not the boss or anything, but I don't like bringing another animal into the house when he is so obviously against it. He has to live here too.

    I had another chat with him just now, and I told him in very clear terms that I have always wanted a dog, and all he said was "I'm not the boss" indicating that if I really want one I can get one, but then he proceeded to say that what I am doing to him is making sure that he will have another pet die on him. He lost a cat a few years ago and is still dealing with it, and he said he will not get attached to the dog, and he can't understand why I would put myself through that grief.

    I asked him if he's "really really against it" or just " a little bit against it" and he said the latter.

    So it has now ended with me finding a couple of dogs that need rehoming on the trading post, and he has said I can call them and ask some questions, if I really really need a dog.

    He also wonders how the cats will deal with a dog, and I told him I will only get a dog that likes cats, or can be trained to like cats.

    So basically he is against it, but he's not gonna put his foot down on the issue...

  4. #4
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    Victoria
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    How can he be upset about dying animals when you already have 6 cats? Not 1, but 6?
    Education not Legislation

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
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    Default

    Well, we came into the cats by accident really. He never wanted another cat, but then there were 2 kittens that needed a home, so he took them in. Then I moved in with my two cats. Then another cat urgently needed a foster home, so we took her in and she ended up staying. Then we found a stray in the area and we couldn't find her owners, so she ended up staying too.

    He regularly tells me that he keeps his distance and tried not to get attached, but that it has failed and we will have to go through them all dying.

    Personally I've never lost a pet, so I can't imagine, but my take on it is that I won't live my life in fear of what will happen in 10-15 years, and I trust myself to be able to get over it.

    What's your take on it? I assume you all love your dogs,,, how do you deal with knowing that they will die??

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    Victoria
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    So if you plan to be with your hubby forever, that means you won't have a dog forever!

    Im 22. The only family pet we have ever lost is 16 year old Caos the cat. Poor deaf Caos was laying behind my dads wheel and died instantly...
    Also, being a vet nurse, I witness and am responsible for many animal deaths, I guess I may be a little desensitized(sp?), even though it still always breaks my heart and I always well up(I euthanazed a wild kookaburra with a broken wing this morning and had tears!)
    There are two ways I cope. 1; They are in less pain this way(whether for the abused or injured) and 2; the time they were alive, they were happy.
    The situations I can't deal with, are the litter of puppies that come in abandoned and in a bad way. Never having a family or a chance at life, and having them all put to sleep after two days in the clinic. Now thats hard.

    Your husband needs to understand that if you adopt a dog, you are giving an unloved pup a chance at being happy. And the dog will give you 10 years of love in return.

    My older dog Roly is 12. I almost lost him to snail bait when he was 10.
    I will always remember seeing his limp twitching body laying on the table in a pool of vomit, and being told it was very unlikely he would make it through the night.
    Roly, my first dog, never touching his fur, never hearing his bark, it was so so hard.
    Thinking about how he felt as I walked away.

    As I drove home, I helped myself to cope by ensuring how happy, easy and relaxing his 10 years had been. He wasn't abused and always had a warm house and a lap to sleep on, so my job was done.

    Im so lucky, yes lucky, that my angel survived and his still going strong, dodged brain damage, epilepsy and a permanant twitch.
    Since then I have been preparing myself. I know he doesn't have much longer. He might go in another 10 years, and that still wouldn't be enough time.
    But all good things come to an end.
    Education not Legislation

  7. #7

    Default

    Hi,
    Be careful about people rehoming or free to good home dogs on the trading post.
    I would check out a reputable shelter or rescue group. One that the dog has been health tested, de sexed, temperament tested and up to date with worming and vacc's etc.
    If you have a breed in mind check out some breed specific rescues.
    Remember if you have never had a dog before consider things like whether they need reg grooming, exercise,time,finances, fencing, where the dog will live during the day and night.
    Take time to find your new addition and visit a few shelters.
    Good luck in what ever you decide. And good on you for thinking about adopting.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Rural NSW
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    5,967

    Default

    Marriage is about give and take and neither imposing wishes on the other but negotiation.
    If he is not DEAD against it as you say then by all means go ahead. There are no guarantees that any dog will get on with any or all cats. I have 3 dogs and now 2 cats, I had three but one had to be put to sleep. My dogs like one cat and hate the other. My father in law's dogs kill feral cats so are only here tied on the ute.

    I would be making sure there are ways of separating dog from cats if you need to.
    Yes pets die. I have lost many in my 54 years. People die too so it is just a fact of life. They leave a great hole for a long time but we go on.

    I introduce a new cat/dog through glass or a screen door at first, then the dog on a lead. When I feel all should be ok I then have them together in the room, always supervised. If they do not get on then they stay separated till I am happy that they will.

    I have had a dog with an ulcerated eye from a scratch. Cost about 3 to $400 with an operation to fix it.

    Make sure you research that the dog's need with exercise/grooming needs also match that of your environment and what you want from a dog.
    Last edited by Di_dee1; 08-03-2010 at 06:21 PM.

    Any posts made under the name of Di_dee1 one can be used by anyone as I do not give a rats.

  9. #9

    Default

    I just noticed that you are in Brisbane, AWL-Animal Welfare League has a great reputation.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
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    Default

    Thanks for your replies.

    I volunteer at a nearby shelter once a week, so I am somewhat familiar with dogs, but I mostly work with the cats.

    I have looked at all the rescue sites, but the small dogs seemed to get snatched up really quickly, and I don't really trust them to have updated the site anyway, because the shelter I work for is really terrible. They have animals listed that were adopted out months ago.

    So yeah, maybe I should actually go to a nearby shelter, or a few shelters and have a look.

    Because I volunteer at a shelter and because all our cats are rescue cats, it doesn't sit right with me to buy a puppy that was deliberately bred when there are so many dogs needing a home. I looked at some professional breeders' sites, but I don't think I want to pay $1000 for a dog either...

    And I want one that is either already used to cats, or is young enough to get used to them. But of course puppies are the most popular and are usually on hold already, or the dog is old enough to have formed bad habits... I did find one corgi x kelpie that looks sooooo cute, but haven't heard back from the foster carer yet. Found her on a shelter site so prolly already gone...

    So I will definitely check out the shelters.

    Thanks

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