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Thread: Do I Need Permission?

  1. #11

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    Did you try Petrescue.com.au?

    Your dear OH can't live his life worrying about death. If we did that we'd never get to experience all the good stuff. Life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, enjoy the good bits, and remember them when things are tough. No one wants a life that is flat all the time.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    52

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    That is pretty much what I tell him

    I have found a couple of 11 month old moodles at pet rescue, have just emailed them with some questions and a request to go and see them.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    12,581

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    There is a puppy farmer on petrescue - supposed to be reported and booted off but it may not have happened yet. Just make sure it's not that one. But I think the problem listing only had one dog and it was a farm dog bitza if I remember right.

    Glad hubby is not totally against a dog. But you do need to respect his feelings, and it might not be good for the dog if he is at all passive aggressive when things don't go his way. I'm having a few problems with hockey players who need "permission" from their hubbies to play and have it revoked last minute. Sigh. I think one has finally re-trained her hubby - but a hockey game doesn't last as long as most dogs.

    Any chance you could baby sit a friend's dog for a day, just to see.

    Also you probably want to get a crate (or two crates if you get two dogs), to keep the dog in a safe place when you're not around to supervise.

    I do know a dog that was adopted off pet rescue. The add said good with children, cats and rabbits. And that's how it got chosen. The rabbit bit was the clincher. And it is completely ball obsessed so easy to exercise. Although there are down sides to the ball obsessed dog.

    Have you tried clicker training any of the cats with yummy food - I've read it can be done, ie that's how they get the cats on TV and movies to work. That might satisfy some of your desire to train an animal.

  4. #14

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    What Hyacinth said was true about the puppy farmer.
    These are bred poorly and can come with on going health probs. Skin allergies and ear probs. Just things to consider.Good luck.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    52

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    Yep, I know about puppy farms, which is why it would be either a rescue dog or one from a professional breeder.

    My partner would not be passive aggressive or treat it badly or anything like that. He loooooves animals and he told me last night that he wouldn't mind having a dog around the house, as long as there are no expenses or trouble for him, and he made sure I know that I will be doing everything and taking all the responsibility and pay for everything.

    We already have a big crate from when the cats flew over from Europe (where I'm originally from) and he have blankets and beds and bowls etc etc, so I don't think I would need to buy much stuff. Just some toys and a collar/lead to begin with.

    Haven't tried clicker training with the cats, but I have read a lot about it, and would prolly try it with the dog.

    I received an email this morning say the male moodle has gone, but the foster carer wanted to know more about me and my partner, so hopefully we can still go and see the female..

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    4

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    Hi there,

    I suppose not a good idea if the whole family doesn't agree on getting a dog, the dog will sense this and who knows what can happen - behavioural problems? Regardless still if I was in your situation I would still get one.

    I have had to wait for a while to get one, I always think after I have lost a dog I can't do it again but I just enjoy their company. You have to live in the moment not the future.

  7. #17

    Default

    Just a thought - why don't you contact some local rescues, almost every breed has one... and see if you can foster a dog, that way you can judge your OH and see how he really feels about it all, you never know the dog may stay forever...

  8. #18

    Default

    I think there are some relationship problems to sort before adding another thing to care for.
    You are a adult, you dont need his permission, or to beg, or to promise to pay for everything. Your husband is your chosen life partner not your parent or boss.
    Its big and complex however I would start addressing these power imbalances in your relationship.
    If having a dog or a child or anything else is very important to you then you deserve to be with someone who supports and encourages you.
    Of course you can have a different opinion, or disagree. But life is full of compromise. It sounds like you do a lot of compromising about your needs and wants, and he does alot of permission giving (or not).

  9. #19

    Default

    Just to add:
    you dont need "permission", you need to agree. And a hugely conditional agreement (that you are responsible for breakages,costs and care) sounds like something that can only create long term resentments between you.
    So, there is no way I would agree to such a conditional arangement.
    I would expect an adult conversation and an agreement. There is no way I would get a pet my partner was dead against. Its a shared home, and responsibilities (care,costs and breakages) are shared also.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    52

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    I am getting the moodle tomorrow

    The way I phrased the question might make my partner and relationship seem a bit odd. It's not so much that I need permission, it's just that I felt like I was giving and giving and he's not giving anything back. I accepted that we might not have kids (it's not like I would ever force parenthood on him) so I felt that he should at least agree to the dog, because it's something that I really want. But I felt like he was saying 'no kid, no dog, ever' and that had me very frustrated.

    But after having an adult convo about it, he has agreed to it. He's still not too happy about the dog, but to his credit he just wants to see me happy, and he knows the dog would contribute to my happiness.

    As for paying for everything, that's fine with me. I pay for all the other animals because they are mostly my 'thing'. I have birds and aquariums that he doesn't care about, and I'm the one who wanted to get them, so that's all good. As for the cats, I pay for them, but my partner works more than me and so pays for most other things, so it's a fair agreement.

    Same goes for the dog, it's my thing, so I pay for it, and he pays most of the bills so that I can actually afford to have a dog. I think it's only fair that I pay for damages etc when he would never get a dog if it was left up to him. I'm the one who wants it and will be training it and taking care of it etc, and that's how I want it. I wouldn't want him to interfere with training, because I know more about that sort of thing that he does.

    He really is the nicest guy you would ever meet

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