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Thread: An oldie, but still funny

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012

    Wink An oldie, but still funny

    Found this in the innards of a file today, posted it for those who haven't seen it

    From a Dog's Diary

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

    5:00 pm - Pig's Ears! My favorite thing!

    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    From a Cat's Diary
    Day 983 of my captivity.
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
    Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
    I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
    However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
    I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
    However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
    I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies'.
    I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
    I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are snitches.
    The dog receives special privileges.
    He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
    He is obviously retarded.
    The bird has got to be an informant.
    I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
    I am certain that he reports my every move.
    My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
    For now that's all... Will keep you posted.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Darwin Northern Territory


    Yes very funny, but unfortunately both my dogs are enduring their most least favourite thing tonight - Territory Day where it is the only place in Australia where you can legally buy fireworks and let them off for one night. Fun for most except those with animals or small children. We have all the windows shut tight, TV on much louder than I can bear, and they are still quivering messes. I quite enjoy going outside every now and then and watching the display through the trees, but every time I come back inside the dogs are like "Oh my god, you're still alive, thank Dog!" It's crazy here. We've had strong winds all day and the Firies will be out fighting fires all night. I ran the sprinkler tonight to reduce the risk of stray fires. RSPCA will be swamped with dogs who have bolted in terror and I'll have to manage the carry on for the next few months as lunatics continue to make big bangs with all those left over fireworks. But probably the worst impact I see is that every firework that is set off has small bits of plastic in the cardboard cartridge, even the big legal displays (Sydney New Years included). Most of that ends up in the ocean. In less than 2 weeks I'm running the annual Darwin Harbour Clean-Up, and all that crap will still be floating around. Well, that's my spray - sorry for doing that on a funny post! Sleepless night for all here.....

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