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Thread: Why Cant i get over the death of my baby boys. Is this normall??

  1. #1
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    Default Why Cant i get over the death of my baby boys. Is this normall??

    My dogs were put to sleep due to unfortunate circumstances in October this year, One was two and a half the other just had just made it to twelve months. My two year old buddy was a Pitbull cross Staffordshire i got him at 6 months old covered in scars, the previous owners had neglected him. Buddy ment the absolute world to me, as im only twenty years old this dog showed me what life was about, my other boy Rex who is actually buddy's brother also ment the world to me i had gotten him at 6 weeks old, i also own a bull arab cross who is still with us today she is two. All my dogs were registered with my local council and i also had a permit. I dont want to go into detail about what happened as its way to touchy for me to talk about. I just really wanted to hear from other dog lovers is it normall to grieve so long over your first dogs, its like ive lost two sons in one hit i havent been the same since.

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear about your boys

    I dont think your wierd or anything like that.....especially under those circumstances. I still miss my Scooby and Storm everyday....Scooby was about a year and a half ago and Storm was a good 15 years a go now. Still get a lump in my throat just thinking about them....like right now typing this.

    Jump in the shower....crank it up...and just ball your bloody eyes out. It helps to get it out.

    I'm seriously thinking about a tattoo with all my dogs names, past and present......just got to come up with the right design. Then they'll be with me even when i'm old and full of dementia !!

    It does get easier...but it never stops hurting.

    Good luck.


    Quote Originally Posted by reyzor View Post
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  3. #3
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    Try to keep busy, find yourself a project or if you can maybe volunteer with a pet rescue org.
    Even if you only help save two dogs, do it in honour of your boys who you loved so much.

    Rearrange furniture. buy a new plant or 2 and put them where your mates used to sleep.
    If possible, throw out things that make you cry, or donate to a charity.
    Change your routine where possible, drive a different route, eat different food whatever you
    can do to ease the pain.

    I still write Chubbs name in the sand if I go to the beach.
    I still keep his grave nice (the bloody cat poops on it daily, however he did love the cat)
    I look at the stars every night and tell him I love him and will see him again one day.
    I only started to get over his loss after the first anniversary, but a piece of me died with him.

    He will be my avatar pic always. He is all over my FB page.
    If you can, make some albums of them and put them up here on dog forum.
    My deepest sympathy to you.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyLaraRex View Post
    My dogs were put to sleep due to unfortunate circumstances in October this year, One was two and a half the other just had just made it to twelve months. My two year old buddy was a Pitbull cross Staffordshire i got him at 6 months old covered in scars, the previous owners had neglected him. Buddy ment the absolute world to me, as im only twenty years old this dog showed me what life was about, my other boy Rex who is actually buddy's brother also ment the world to me i had gotten him at 6 weeks old, i also own a bull arab cross who is still with us today she is two. All my dogs were registered with my local council and i also had a permit. I dont want to go into detail about what happened as its way to touchy for me to talk about. I just really wanted to hear from other dog lovers is it normall to grieve so long over your first dogs, its like ive lost two sons in one hit i havent been the same since.
    I think it is quite normal. When you get a dog they become a big part of your life. I am already dreading the day my two have to go to the rainbow bridge! It makes me teary just thinking about it and I know I will be the same as you are when they do eventually go.

    I like Sean's idea of a tattoo, if I could work out where I wanted one I would be getting my two done in a portrait... vintage style of course! lol

    There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

  5. #5
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    im actually getting jonah's paw print tattooed on the inside of my wrist in the nest couple of weeks......
    Quote Originally Posted by Sean View Post
    I love 2 things in this world. Spandex and reyzor... not necessarily in that order.

  6. #6

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    Well I don't want to think about what would happen if I lost Sammy. My mum had a go at me actually a while ago because I completely fell apart when he got hit by a car, I thought I had watched him die. Then, when he didn't die instantly, I thought he was going to die from internal bleeding or something. She got angry because she said I can't just fall to pieces over a dog like that. Not much you can do though, you can't choose who you love or how much you love them. I love Sammy as much as I love the people in my life, no doubt about it and losing him would take a similar toll.
    If you have been lucky to really find a dog that you connect with and want to be with, well it's the most amazing thing. But it comes with a super high price because when they go it will cut deep.

    I agree with the suggestions of helping other dogs. There are dogs out there that would do anything to have someone who actually cared about them and the experience can be quite rewarding too.

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss though

  7. #7

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    I am so sorry your dogs didn't get to have a long life, but it's obvious from what you say that they were much loved. Without you, they may never have known what it was to have a loving owner.

    And yes, I think grieving the loss of a pet for some time is normal. When I lost my first Crystal dog I actually ended up moving house as a result because everything reminded me of her. I still have photos of her around my house, on my FB.

    I think part of the problem is that society values the lives of dogs, cats and other animal companions less than humans (and to top it off men are probably still expected to hide their feelings to some extent). When I told a coworker my dog had died (actually needed two days off) she said "oh, it won't bother you when you have children." I wasn't expecting flowers and a card but I had never wanted to hit someone so bad in my life at that moment. But it's probably a fairly typical response from someone who is not a "dog" person. What these people don't realise is the bond you had with your dog(s) - for days I only had to blink and I'd see Crystal, and my hands ached to rub the top of her head, scratch her belly and stroke those little leaf like ears of hers. Do I know any humans that well? Only the one I am married to.

    I think societies's views are slowly changing - Fiona Apple (I think) cancelled a tour because her rescue dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I remember seeing a news article where Mickey Rouke spoke about losing his Chihuahua Loki. When I was caring for Crystal I was listening to Bloody Kisses by Type O Negative - a poor choice maybe but it validated my feelings perfectly. A year later (in 2008) the singer stated that the title track (subtitled "A Death in the Family") was actually written for his pet cat Venus. He said at the time (in 1993) he wrote it he didn't want to let on that it was for his cat because people would laugh at him for being so distraught over losing his cat (who used to sit on his chest while he worked out every day).

    It's not whether the creature gone from your life is human, dog, cat or bird that determines how much you grieve - it's the degree of closeness. If somebody you didn't know that well passed away, you might feel sad for them and their family, send a card etc, but when it's your dog who you saw and spent time with every day - your life changes in major ways when they're gone and it's normal to feel the same kind of grief you would feel if you lost a child. Maybe the only difference with a child is that you would mourn the potential of that child's life in a different way - that they would grow up, get married, give you grandkids etc.

    I know with Crystal I also beat myself up about the decisions I made - if only I could afford better food then she wouldn't have got heart failure, how could I not notice the signs of heart failure when I have it myself etc... and to top it off when she was put to sleep I had to sign a form saying it was all my decision. In my role as her carer, I also thought this made me responsible for her passing somehow. Others helped me realise I wasn't being fair on myself - I wasn't perfect, I was human. She was teaching me how to be a good owner as much as I was (trying) to teach her to be a good dog. Others taught me over time that although I might have made mistakes - some big and some small but ultimately I tried to give her what she needed to have a good life. You went one better and rescued your dogs from a shelter and further abuse!

    There is no right or wrong amount of time to grieve - psychologists used to define pathological grief as lasting more than 12 months, but if you lose someone special you don't just magically stop feeling sad after a year, and I don't think it's useful to put a timeline on it. However it's only been a couple of months so please don't beat yourself up because you didn't get over it fast enough. Take all the time you need to express yourself, talk to other "dog people", and spend time with your lovely girl!

  8. #8
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    i agree, i reckon id be a mess...... its one of those things, people deal with grief in different ways, i recently went to a funeral where a young mother had passed away leaving behind a husband and 4 kids,

    the husband was a mess, but her 24 year old daughter was so strong, i would have thought it would have been the other way around.

    dont let anyone tell you how to deal with your loss, its a very personal thing.

    if you want to talk about it then do so, if not then dont.

    only you know what works for you.

    if anything, everyone on this forum is willing to listen should you want to talk about it.....

    hope you feel better soon
    Quote Originally Posted by Sean View Post
    I love 2 things in this world. Spandex and reyzor... not necessarily in that order.

  9. #9
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    Grief is personal and the timeline is variable. Sometimes you think you have moved on and something triggers it, no way is it a straight line! The rules are what works for you, we don't do grief well in our culture. Your loss is one we here empathise with, dogs entwine themselves around your heart in a special way.

  10. #10
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    This is something many of us know only too well and sometimes you never get over it, especially when they die so suddenly. We all handle grief in our own way, you just learn to cope and remember the good times.
    Chloe & Zorro
    Rottweilers and German Shepherds are Family

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